Monthly Archives: August 2014

“Is Aunt Flo Coming?”

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After yesterday’s irrational rant, that I promptly removed the moment a dear friend asked me ever so politely, “Is Aunt Flo coming?” followed by the “give the guy a break” speech, I realized that the womanly PMS stereotype is real and I promise you that I felt abnormally emotional and batshit crazy yesterday.

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There I said it… You were right… (you don’t know how much it kills me to admit you were right).

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After self-reflection (aka torture), I have come up with a list of 20 irrational things you say when you have raging PMS,:

Fuck this.

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Fuck that.

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I feel like I have an aquifer of sadness inside me. (Yes, I really said this to my sister.)

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Cheee-eee-ee-tos are like LIFE.

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I’m running away, with scissors in hand.

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He said that because he is a MOTHER FUCKING BITCH.

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I’m screening calls. All. Day. Long.

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We should adopt an orphan.

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I need to join the gym.

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Why didn’t my parents ever push me to play lacrosse? I would have been so good.

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Why didn’t my parents ever push me to join debate team? I would have backed everyone down, in the corner and had them in the fetal position sucking their thumb.

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Salt… Sugar…. Salt… Sugar… mmmmmm

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Am I fat? Am I pretty? Do you love me?

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Just… Just…. Walk away… slowly, quietly and don’t make any sudden moves.

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OMG! I don’t know why I am crying, hold me…. Hold me….. boo booo brrr hoo…

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Rub my glands…

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YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

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I’m going to join the Peace Corps.

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You did not just say that…

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*sobbing* I DID THE BEST I COULD *sobbing*.

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Please, I would enjoy you adding more to this list, so I don’t feel like #21 – “All Alone”

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RAWR! Free Hug!!!

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I need a free hug today… Where are those people when you need them???

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The Pope Just Released A List of 10 Tips for Becoming a Happier Person and They Are Spot On

WOW! I really needed this today. Thank you…

Higher Learning

In a recent interview with the Argentine publication Viva, Pope Francis issued a list of 10 tips to be a happier person, based on his own life experiences.

The Pope encouraged people to be more positive and generous, to turn off the TV and find healthier forms of leisure, and even to stop trying to convert people to one’s own religion.

But his number one piece of advice came in the form of a somewhat cliche Italian phrase that means, “move forward and let others do the same.” It’s basically the Italian equivalent of, “live and let live.” You can check out the full list below.

The Pope gives a thumbs up to an audience in St. Peter’s Square at the Vatican. (Photo: CSV)

The Pope’s 10 Tips for a Happier Life

1. “Live and let live.” Everyone should be guided by this principle, he said, which has a similar expression in…

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RINSE, RECYCLE, REPEAT – I Just Never Learn…. The reality of understanding that you are just a Placeholder – Mise well just be a pot holder…

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Blind as a bat, heart on your sleeve, honest and a hopeless romantic are three dangerous traits to have. So you think that you have found that special someone who makes your heart pitter-patter… or gives you feelings you never thought you experienced in life….Heed the warning… NEVER get involved with someone newly divorced. I broke my cardinal rule, I seem to break a lot of my rules when it comes to “thinking” I found my soul mate (which as of today – I do not believe in, it is a bunch of bullshit).

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There are some men out there that are never happy with what they have i.e. YOU, they are the type that no matter how horrible a past relationship and ex was, no matter how bad she treated him, or how wrong they were for each other, she is the one that “got away” and men for some stupid reason always want think they want what they can’t have. These are the same guys that if they got the girl back, the one that they dream about while with you, they would realize why it didn’t work out in the first place (case and point).

Not to mention there are two sides to every story and while you are only hearing one side, it often makes one wonder what really happened, especially if you start experiencing things that do not add up, make sense or catch someone in an outright lie.

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Yes there are some situations where two people truly love each other, but for whatever reasons the two “star-crossed lovers” cannot be together, but on the norm non Romeo & Juliet situations, if a relationship ended, it was for a reason. So if the man you are dating cannot move on from a past relationship, then you should move on.

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You have to be smart enough to pick up on the signs; sometimes they will be painfully obvious, but he will not outright admit it, like if he breaks into tears or gets all melancholy often, for no apparent reason(or makes up other reasons to mask the truth), or he cannot watch certain shows/movies, listen to certain songs, or still sleeps with the last piece of clothing she left at his house etc. then you know he is not over her. There are also the men who straight up tell you that he is still in love with or misses his ex, appreciate their honesty, wish him the best, and find someone who wants you.

Duh! signs she is still a huge part of his life, and you probably are not

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He hates that she has someone new. Any jealousy he shows towards his ex’s new guy speaks volumes about how much he still cares about her. Even if he claims to merely be concerned as a friend or “big brother” figure, there’s no reason for him to care who his ex is dating now that he’s with you. If anything, he should be happy she’s moved on – not upset that she’s over him. Proceed with caution around any guy who can’t or won’t be happy if his ex is seeing someone new. (I can’t tell you how happy I am that my ex has remarried and has found someone who will put up with his crazy shit – lol, seriously, the guilt for me peacing out on him is gone and I am at peace)

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Now If you are dumb enough to be with the man I mentioned above, and are okay with being a “replacement”, “second choice”, or someone that he is just killing time with until someone better comes along, then you are an idiot or have zero self-confidence and maybe should re-evaluate why you hate yourself enough to stick around with a man who is wishing you were someone else. (OMG! I’M AM DUMB, IDIOT and apparently HATE MYSELF)

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Remember, it might not necessarily be the most recent ex that your man is still holding in his heart, leaving no room for you to enter, it could be the one that ripped his heart out years ago, either way there are signs. But usually men are not such an open book, and they harbor these feelings in a way that is virtually invisible to the untrained eye (thank you to all my formal education, professors and training for giving me some sort of ability to get enough of a hint to take pause and evaluate the red flags), and even if none of the above, very obvious signs are going on, this may just because he does not have the option to “be there for her” maybe he screwed up the relationship and she wants nothing to do with him. (I am beginning to wonder the dynamics, I am really beginning to question the real reasons for the split. So much so, that that my limbic system is kicking in, and I am lacing up my kicks, because I don’t want a repeat of my SP… and the hairs on the back of my neck are starting to stand up, with too many “similarities” between the two).

A few less obvious signs he wants her, but you will do, for now

Listens to morbid breakup music. If your guy occasionally (or a lot) listens to or mentions morbid music that suggests breaking up, never getting over, being haunted by her, being bound be what was left behind etc. anywhere in the lyrics, then it might be a subtle sign that he’s still clinging on to his past relationship, either that, or he’s just plain depressed. Maybe you even caught him playing “their song” on repeat one day in his room. That is never a good sign. (It is sad, because he thinks I don’t know when he does this and I can see right through it – all while two songs that I will mention make the pit of my stomach hurt:

Betterman:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWzLgWWu5wU

I’m Yours:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yy0AmZu3xLg

Somewhere Over the Rainbow:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgaMsXpQk2g

Holds on to memorabilia and pictures of her. If you find little trinkets and gifts from his ex, or pictures hidden under you and him in a frame, then these things holds sentimental value and he is not over her. Now I am not suggesting he should burn every picture and throw out anything that reminds him of her, but they should be put away and not hidden and stashed around various places, these are little red flags. If he has a picture on the fridge with his kids and maybe even mother, but his ex is in it, but not in his life, the picture should not be portrayed either. It is clearly a sign that he wants to see her face daily. (Sadly, they are all over the house, it drawers and the one that pushed me over the edge last night was discovering that the photographs on his cell phone had been changed/broken down categorically and are now mainly of he and his ex (both together and her alone – 100’s of them) – only leaving about 5 or 6 of us – which I childishly deleted)

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His browser talks. Unless your boyfriend is a sneaky ex lover (or thinks he is), he’ll definitely leave a few signs now and then on his computer, ipad or phone. If your boyfriend’s browser history shows that he’s been visiting his ex’s facebook or twitter account or her blog often, he’s definitely not over his ex. (Fucked up right?)

He purposely fights with the Ex. Believe it or not, picking fights with an ex is a great way for a man to get her attention. If the only communication between him and his ex is friendly banter and/or about the kids, he is not getting extra attention from his ex, however, if he is constantly picking fights with the mother of his children, he might be seeking her attention. It doesn’t matter that it is negative attention because she is more actively involved in his life than if things were smooth sailing. (DING DING DING DING – WINNER WINNER WINNER, I can only be so understanding, and I’m at my threshold). He still seems angry with her. Past relationship wounds can still sting, but the feelings we have about those former partners should ebb over time, according to Wendy Walsh, Ph.D., author of the upcoming book The 30-Day Love Detox. “Some guys have physically broken up, yet haven’t emotionally let go and they stay connected through conflict,” she says. “So if he’s still talking about the bad things she did in the past, he’s trying to remind himself that he’s not still in love with her — because he is still in love with her.”

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He is anti-love and super cautious of getting into a serious relationship. A man who has been damaged and ripped apart is either quick to find someone to fill her space (CHING CHING), or takes years to ever open up to anyone else again, if ever. If he was in love and was burnt badly, he now has a negative outlook on love, marriage, and the whole happiness that comes along with all of it when you find someone who you fit with. But some men stare so long at the closed door behind them, something that was not right anyway, that they deny access to the amazing woman standing in front of them, who could be perfect for them and who is willing to open her heart to them. SO if your “guy” (if he even allows you to all him that), is very negative about relationships, lies about things and hides you from what is really going on in his head, he is still missing “HER”.

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You feel it in his touch; you can see it in his eyes. “A woman knows when a man looks into her eyes and sees someone else. When a man adores you, wants you, and touches you, you should feel the excitement and care he feels for you – (NOT THAT HE HAS TO DRINK to show those emotions, that he can be sober and express them too! FML!) When he talks to you and looks in your eyes, you should see that he is focused on you, if you don’t feel and see you in his touch and eyes, and you are not delusional, you can tell he is thinking about and seeing her. That never feels good and is totally unfair to you. You are awesome and if he doesn’t appreciate and see you for that, someone else will and you will feel it and see it. (I AM AWESOME, HEAR ME ROAR)

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To be fair a man should not have to be lonely forever nursing his heartache, they should be able to date others until they are over the ex and ready to move one with someone else. But it is not right or fair to string women along while she is hoping the relationship is headed to a place he knows it never will. (YES, THOSE SUBTLE COMMENTS – IN BETWEEN THE LINES are a dead giveaway)

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If a man is honest with his feelings and what he wants from you, and you are okay with that, then peace to all, but if you are just accepting his truth “for now” hoping he will fall in love with you and change his mind, you are very likely headed for heartache yourself (. Unfortunately not many men will be honest and up front about what they want from you so be sure to look for the signs.

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Being in a relationship is a beautiful thing, but being 2nd best to anyone or “just good enough” since he can’t have “HER” is not good enough for you. (I REFUSE TO BE 2nd BEST TO ANYONE, I REFUSE TO BE A DOORMAT) So if you suspect, feel, or know your guys is just passing time with you and wanting someone else, have enough respect for yourself as a women to walk away. Who knows, once you do he might realize what a nut job he was for not seeing what he had in you while he had the chance instead of missing some past hot mess of a relationship that will never be again. Hopefully for him, you will give him another chance, but be sure his feelings are genuine and he is not just missing a “friend” – (TODAY, I HAVE TO PUT MY BIG GIRL PANTIES ON – AND GIVE MYSELF SOME RESPECT)

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Trust your intuition. You’ll know in your gut whether or not your guy still has eyes for his ex because you’ll get the sense that he’s just not 100 percent committed to your relationship.

He might as well be seeing another woman behind your back because the result is the same. You aren’t getting all of him. It’s like an emotional affair. It damages or hinders the bond you share because he is emotionally tied to someone else.

Love is messy, dangerous, and brutal… But it is worth it to find the one who makes your days beautiful. Make sure you appreciate who you have, while you have them, before they are gone and it is too late.

We are all human and have real feelings and emotions.  Some people navigate through their hurt and pain more quickly than others.  

Deuces/Peace Out

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Today is sad, my heart hurts.  I just feel like giving up.  Pray for me…

It Takes Talent…… to Fall Up the Stairs….

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My whole life I have been clumsy, people have called me Grace, and no, it was not because I had been graced with some miraculous gift, quite the opposite actually – I was and am always less than graceful. Over the years I have learned and accepted to embrace the humiliation and just laugh at myself. This morning was no different, not only did I laugh, but my Lover was absolutely amused.

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So I woke up like I do every morning, bounded downstairs, fixed myself a cup of coffee and then headed back UP the stairs to start my “get ready for work” routine. With spring in my step, love fueling my soul, a fresh cup of coffee in hand and no cares in the world, I inadvertently TRIPPED UP the STAIRS!

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Yes, ladies and gentleman, not only did I TRIP UP the STAIRS, I gave my eyeballs a coffee enema, my face a coffee spritz, changed my hair color to coffee bean brown, and flung coffee all over the stairs, wall and landing….. all my Lover could say from his horizontal position on the bed “OH! That didn’t sound good,” then silence….. complete awkward silence –waiting to hear if I had survived whatever misfortune I dealt myself.

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“Oh Shit!” fluidly flowed from my lips…. then hysterical laughter which apparently was contagious because my Lover busted out in a full ROAR of laugher. Talk about PIE in your face, after cleaning up my mess in the dark, attempting to clean myself up between bursts of laughter, my Lover added salt to my pride by saying “don’t touch me, I don’t want coffee fingers.”

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What the hell are coffee fingers? I don’t know, but it sounded like I had some heinous affliction of coffee cooties that he wanted no part of.

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So folks, if you ever find yourself walking with me, make sure you are arms-length away, so you can be thoroughly entertained rather than acquire coffee cooties or be a victim of my graceful, yet, eloquent clumsiness.

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Update: My eyes feel thoroughly revitalized, more so than they have been in years. My face is now soft and smooth, feeling free of toxins and you will be happy to note, I have added depth to the paint on the wall, giving it a bit of flare and dimension.

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Hunter S. Thompson

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“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!”

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“Let us toast to animal pleasures, to escapism, to rain on the roof and instant coffee, to unemployment insurance and library cards, to absinthe and good-hearted landlords, to music and warm bodies and contraceptives… and to the “good life”, whatever it is and wherever it happens to be.”

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“Music has always been a matter of Energy to me, a question of Fuel. Sentimental people call it Inspiration, but what they really mean is Fuel. I have always needed Fuel. I am a serious consumer. On some nights I still believe that a car with the gas needle on empty can run about fifty more miles if you have the right music very loud on the radio.”

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“When you bring an act into this town, you want to bring it in heavy. Don’t waste any time with cheap shucks and misdemeanors. Go straight for the jugular. Get right into felonies. The mentality of Las Vegas is so grossly atavistic that a really massive crime often slips by unrecognized.”

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Behind the Yellow Line…

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The sad thing folks, is that I would actually slap in you a panicked state…  Stand behind the yellow line please….

You AWAKE?

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So most people have the uncanny ability to fall asleep – I on the other hand go toe to toe with the sleep nazi every night. This is nothing new; I’ve been this way since a child. It is not that my mind is racing; it is just always at a constant. The thinking pattern is the same as when I am awake. Always finding models, relationships, new ideas, mulling over events, writing and rewriting papers (yes, in my head) and my favorite are my SQUIRREL tangents. That is my mantra for getting distracted.

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Since I have purged my body of sleeping aids, I am back to my old peculiar habits that actually give others pause. When I find I cannot sleep, rather than lay in bed, toss and turn, I get up and engage myself.

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The other night, I decided to do research for a friend of mine on 504 and Special Education in the public school system. I sent her a plethora of material and I am sure she is overwhelmed. Last night, I decided to start my thesis – crazy right? I’m not even at that point in graduate school; however, I do owe one of my professors a 30 page paper, so I figured I could knock it out and then continue to use it as my platform for my thesis. Madly typing on my Lover’s computer in both instances, he came downstairs, has given me two puzzled looks and then went back to bed. I smiled.

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One night my Lover joined me at 3:00 AM in the morning after I got up, made coffee and started my day…. Laundry, cleaning, painting, etc. When we first met, I took a pill to knock my ass out at night. Since then, I have decided to just take vitamins and purge my body of all chemicals. While this is new to him, I am sure this is one more thing he wonders about when it comes to me.

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Some creative ideas for those of you who have the same curse: landscape poster temp

Clean the house. Chances are it is dirty, this is a perfect way to wear your ass out and when you do finally fall asleep from exhaustion you will have woken up to a clean house and clean folded clothes. Not only will you appreciate it, but your Lover will too, as it will be one less thing for him to have to think about and gives him time to enjoy his down time.

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Finish your project. If you are like me you have five projects going on at any given time. This is a hobby that drives most people nuts. The best thing for one to do is finish up these little projects in the middle of the night, so it looks like elves came in and completed the tasks that drove your Lover batty.

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Read a book on your tablet. I actually love reading, the only problem is when I read my favorite trashy romance novels, I find myself waking my Lover up in the middle of the night…. ‘nough said… use your imagination.

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Watch a TV show or movie on Netflix. Perfect opportunity to brush up on all those shows that you don’t want others to know you watch. The only obstacle is if your Lover wakes up in the middle of the night too and catches you. Don’t fear this, as I have a trick that works, just throw a blanket over your head…. Because in my reality, if you can’t see it, then it is not really there. He will eventually get the hint, get a good laugh and then head back to bed.

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Check out some social media. Totally love catching up on what all my friends have been doing.

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Have a Midnight snack. Midnight snacks are the best. There is nothing like getting the sliced applies and Peter Pan Crunchy Peanut butter out and going to town.

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Write in or start a journal. That is right, just pour your heart into it… Moan, groan and celebrate about your life in a journal, because honestly, other people do not really want to hear about it.

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Reorganize something. I love reorganizing things. It keeps people on their toes. However, they may not like it so much when they can’t find the coffee filters….

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Listen to music. I listen to music all the time. It is how I energize myself. It is food for thought, it puts a little zip in my step and is a good way to shut down the random thoughts.

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Make a to-do-list for the following day, week or month. I live by the lists; if I didn’t have lists nothing would get done. Part of my problem is I start my little projects and forget to write the things I need to complete the projects. If I could only remember to do that, my projects would be done in a timely manner – I think…. Well it sounds good anyway….

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Another great attribute I have is about 90% of the time I am a morning person. It drives people nuts at first, but then they seem to embrace it. It is a way for them to start their day on a positive note. I begin by rooting around like a pig in their nose, jumping on the bed, singing, dancing and bouncing around them like tigger the tiger.

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At first, their reaction to my burst of energy in the morning is total and complete DISBELIEF and LOATHING; however, over time it becomes a ritual. I find that the 10% of the time I am not a morning person it throws my Lover’s day off OR he will pick up the slack and pay me back – 10 fold… NO LIE… 10 fold!

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Enough Said… for today…

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