Monthly Archives: September 2016

Welcome to the Club Kristen – You’re One Cool Chick!


My son told me long ago and still tells me today, that I am the coolest mom ever.  Even his friends enjoy hanging out with me and sometimes he is awed by the fact that I really am pretty damn laid back (his words not mine).

I’ve often been told that I am a really cool chick, never really taking into account what that meant, other than I really just try to keep things real.

I mean, I am who I am, take it or leave it, I really don’t care.  I think age plays a big part in in too.

This past weekend, I hung out with a friend of mine, Ricky (alias), and he even commented on what a “Cool Chick” I am.  Even took the time to write it on a cocktail napkin.


Well as Wyatt Earp so eloquently put it “You are pieces left behind from someone who hurt you” and thanks to Ricky (alias), who made me take pause….  I believe I just may have found a piece!  I used to be a really cool chick!  Wait!  I still am a really cool chick!  Get the superglue out, let’s starting putting this girl back together!


It got me thinking so I did a little research and I would say that about sums it up:

She owns more than one pair of chucks.


Cool Chicks don’t have the hang-ups of normal girls: They don’t get bogged down by the patriarchy, or worrying about their weight.

They’re basically dudes masquerading in women’s bodies, reaping the privileges of both.


The Cool Chick has many variations: She can have tattoos, she can be into comics, coloring books, she might be really into climbing, hiking or pickling vegetables. She’s always down to hang out, or do something spontaneous like drive all night to go to a secret concert. Her body, skin, face, and hair all look effortless and natural — and wears a uniform of jeans, tank tops and tee’s, because trying hard isn’t Cool. The Cool Chick has a super-sexy ponytail or a sassy pixie cut.


The Cool Chick never nags, or “just wants one” of your chili fries, because she orders a giant order for herself. She’s an ideal that matches the times — a mix of feminism and passivity, of confidence and femininity.

She definitely knows what she wants.

Confident Woman Desktop Background

And it’s an image that keeps amplifying: She may have shed her tomboy pastimes, but she still loves fries, pizza, and Doritos. She photobombs like a boss.

She hates liars and promises to punch anyone who lies like a boss to her face.


Girls love her, guys desire her.




“You are pieces left behind from someone who hurt you”


WOW, very profound, a punch to the gut. Not something you want to hear on a Sunday morning.

Not something I ever want to hear again.


It is not a matter of what I can do to make myself whole again….


Taming the dragon and riding again!


It Is Never Easy Being Cheesy

During my divorce class last night I learned a valuable lesson about not dating for about a year or two after your divorce.  Typically if you jump back into the dating scene you end up with the same type of person you have either dated or married in the past and nothing will ever change.


It is important to build your relationship with God and to love yourself before you go out into the dating world, because really what do you have to offer anyone?


Had plans to go out with a super nice guy on Wednesday, but decided to quash that for my own sanity.  I’m really not ready to date, I can’t explain it, as I feel empty, I have nothing left to give and the mere fact that looking to someone else for happiness, I have decided is a bad idea.


I am on a steady keel right now and just surrounding myself with friends seems more purposeful.  I just had lunch with a co-worker and she discussed issues in her marriage.  On one hand I was like, “man, the only person I have to argue with is myself” and on the other hand- did not miss the aspect of the craziness of being on a merry-go-round that wouldn’t stop.


I’m 44 and that goo goo feeling of “being in love” and having all those tinglies seems more like a web of deception, because we all know over time, it disappears and reality hits you like a ton of led.


You realize you are married to or dating a combination of Jim Jones, Hunter S. Thompson and Hugh Hefner – and not in a good way.  You feel suffocated, like a cat being held against his will.


I would like to thank my friends that held me together and continue to support me, (either new or old): (alias’ used to protect the innocent and not so innocent):

Foxy Cleopatra


Super spontaneous, need a pick me up, will call after a text I sent to say “This is by far your must fucked idea ever, I’ll be there in 10 minutes with a bottle of wine, oh and if we get caught, remember your deaf and I don’t speak english” –put your big girl panties on and let’s keep it movin’ friend.

Louise Elizabeth Sawyer (Thelma and Louise)


My best friend whom I knew we would be friends forever because I discovered that she too has no filter for her bitchy and sarcastic thoughts – we both agree that we should moonlight as comedians.  And most importantly, gives a cooter punch to that loser who made me cry friend.

Wyatt Earp


This gun slingin’ six shooter, always gives it to me straight.  “Suck it up buttercup, why would you weep for a con artist who used you?” in your face, deal with the reality and not what’s in your head friend.

Mark Twain


Really cool friend who is super intelligent (teaches me things I had no idea existed), has a collection of lego’s that I am dying to get my hands, a compilation of ultra-slick coloring books that make my crayons and pencils jumps out of their box and most importantly makes me laugh friend.

Sofia Vergara


She knows how weird I am and still chooses to be in public with me, has a contagious laugh and knows when to have a deep conversation friend.

Jerry Seinfeld


That one friend you have known your whole life, that you can go years without talking to and then pick up where you left off.  Who is just as weird as me, but pretends he is not (unless no one is looking) friend.

Britney Spears


Super sweet, will be there in a heartbeat – BUT you have to keep an eye on her so she doesn’t lick the walls after having a few drinks friend.

Angelina Jolie


Even though miles lay between us we are always never far apart.  Who would do anything for me, except leave her air conditioned home.  We understand each other’s level of crazy and we love each other anyway friend.

Matthew McConaughey


Who always checks on me to make sure I am not sucking on any bullets if I post something obscure on my wall.  Who tells me the honest to God truth, no matter how much it sucks.  Is always there to build me up and give me validation (even if I don’t want to hear it).  Has a wife who embraces our friendship and welcomes me into their home friend.



I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty sure he would stick by my side no matter what, offering to bring a shovel and help me destroy the evidence.  Who taught me not to be jealous seeing my ex with someone else, because our parents taught us to give our used toys to the less fortunate.


Danno Williams (Hawaii Five O)


This street savvy, 9mm totin’, Jesus lovin’ big lug, saved my butt from imploding.  Always there to pick me up when I was at my worst all while pumping iron (that takes talent).  Who wished for the fleas of a thousand camels to infest the crotch of the person who screwed my life up and hoped his arms were too short to scratch (AMEN) friend.

Betty Boop


Always keeps it real, praises Jesus and asks the same questions you do friend (that says a lot).

Ellen DeGeneres


Who swears she will pretend to be my lesbian lover if I am ever getting hit on by another asshole.  Who promises to always pick me up when I fall, after she is finished laughing and will give me a ka-pow talk to set the record straight.  I’m pretty sure she could take down a cop, even though she is 5 foot nothing friend (good to know).

Ricky Ricardo


There is always that one person who can relate, because they have gone through the same hell.  Even when I waved him off he has thus far stayed true like an octopus on my face, and it is much appreciated, you just can’t find friends like that anywhere, except in the ocean, and you might not want those, especially if they touch your feet and you can’t see them – really freaks a person out.