Dating in Your 40’s – The Bad, Part 1

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By the time you get into your 40s, if you have the misfortune to find yourself in the dating pool, let me just tell you: It’s a shit show. Sorry, maybe that was too harsh. I’ll tone it down a bit. It’s like being thrown in a serial killer’s basement. Seriously, it is that bad.

This is a 3 part series to help you navigate your way through the world of dating after 40, the good, the bad and the ugly.

THE BAD

Mr. Set-In-His-Ways

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How to spot him:  This is the 40-something guy who has totally adjusted to living alone. Which is great. He’s probably very happy.

Why he’s tempting:  He wants to meet a woman and the last time you checked – welp, you fit the criteria.

Why you should steer clear:  He doesn’t want to change his life or schedule one iota for you. This is the guy who will say something early on like, “I have tennis on Wednesday, squash on Thursday, I’m camping all weekend, I need to spend Monday and Tuesday writing my novel, I walk my dog from 7 p.m. to 8 p.m. and I like to get to bed early. So can you meet for 20 minutes at 8:30 p.m. on Tuesday in three weeks? Oh, and can you come to my neighborhood?”

Mr. Guy Who Just Wants To Have Fun

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How to spot him:  At this point in your life, if you come across men who have never married or are divorced and want to stay that way, chances are that they’re “confirmed bachelors” who are just looking to have some fun.

Why he’s tempting:  If that’s your goal too, then this type of guy is your perfect match. However, if you’re looking for something with a future, you need to put your cards on the table early and gauge his reaction.

Why you should steer clear: If you think you can get him to fall in love with you and that he will change his mind, you may be sadly disappointed and will have wasted precious time. Or, you could be the woman who brings about his 360. Either way, it’s like playing a table in Vegas— May the odds be ever in your favor!

Mr. Much Older Man

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How to spot him:  The grey hair is a dead giveaway.

Why he’s tempting:  You may be tired of dating guys your own age and looking for a more mature man—a man who may be ten or more years older than you. This kind of older man, with a father-figure persona, will most likely treat you like a queen. Chivalry isn’t dead with this kind of man and he’ll tell you everything you want to hear.

Why you should steer clear:  Many people who have married older men are extremely content in this type of relationship. Some may think he’s the best thing since sliced bread, but others may quickly realize that they’ll soon be his nurse taking care of him in his declining years. Before you jump to this decision, remember that the age gap becomes more of an issue the older you get and be sure that he’s what you really want.

Mr. One seeking a Mom for his kids (and not much else)

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How to spot him:  This one strategically includes heartwarming photos of his kids on his online dating profile. It’s almost as if he uses his unsuspecting offspring as the bait to reel nurturing would-be mothers into his plan.  He’s a bit rarer than other types, but easy to spot with full or primary custody of his children.

Why he’s tempting:   If he’s an awesome dad and you get along great with his children, it’s very easy to fall for the whole package too soon. This makes it difficult to focus on knowing whether your relationship with him has the right foundation for a healthy and loving future together. It’s easy to fall in love with the idea of an instant family and kids, but remember that you’re not just taking on one person; you’re taking on the whole crew. And sometimes that crew involves ex-wives, ex in-laws, and a whole host of shared friends and family members who will become part of your life too. This can be a wonderful thing, but it’s a serious commitment that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Be sure you’re both marrying each other for the right reasons.

Why you should steer clear:  He may even initially act as if his search is all about you. But it’s not. It’s about him. He’s stressed about being a single Dad and it’s eroding his golf game and severely cutting into his hunting time.  This man has already been through it all but is still looking to get married quickly so he’ll have a mother figure, nannie, or housekeeper to help him with his kids.

Mr. One who won’t commit… to anything… ever

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How to spot him:  This one is self-explanatory. He’s a playboy, a barfly, and is easy to identify. He often dates much younger women. He may have even been married more than once already. The good news is that he is so committed to being non-committal that he will even tell you up front that he isn’t looking for anything serious. Words of advice: he means it!

Why he’s tempting:  Yet even with explicit warnings straight from the horse’s mouth, as women, we tend to hear what we want to hear. When he says “I don’t want a serious relationship,” we hear “I don’t want a serious relationship… until I find the right one…which could be you.”

Why you should steer clear:  But you can never be The Right One for this guy, so get out while you can or prepare to have your heart broken.

Mr. Guy Who’s Finally a Good Catch

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How to spot him:  On the other side of the coin, after losing some weight, getting decent clothes, and having early career success, The Guy Who’s Finally a Good Catch is getting more attention each week than he got in his first 25 years combined.

Why he’s tempting:  Girls find it endearing that such an appealing guy has managed to maintain his humility, when it’s actually just that he’s assuming every girl is out of his league at all times.

Why you should steer clear: Once his new situation starts to sink in, he enters an unfortunate new phase, stressing his male friends out by doing things like winking at them over the shoulder of a girl he’s dancing with and offering them a fist pound when an attractive girl walks by on the street.

 

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About Hiding2014-2016

2016 Life is what it is and you just have to get through it. 2014 I started blogging just a short time ago, it actually feels good. I've made some new friends and soliciting feedback from others who have experienced similar life events helps me to not feel so alone. So we all have bumps in the road, we make poor decisions - we are only human. It is these life experiences who make us who we are today. There is no need to have regret, just move forward. Ok, easier said than done, because as you read my profile, sometimes I take a step forward and then two steps back.

Posted on January 12, 2017, in Bad Boys, Bits and pieces, Bullshit, Care, Chuck Taylors, College, Cool Chicks, Cool girls, Dating, Divorce, Divorce Sucks, Feel better, Finger Paint, Furry, Fuzzy, Happy, Health Relationship, Healthy Relatinships, Lies, Love, Mate Selection, My Life Over 40, Nice Guys, Rebound, Relationships suck, Shattered, Shot in the butt, Smart Women, Smarty Pants, What women want, Whole again. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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