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Dating in Your 40’s – The Good, Part 3

THE GOOD

Mr. The One

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How to spot him:  This is the one that makes you stop seeing all the others you’ve encountered to date. He makes you forget all the others who have you shaking your head. He’s the one who finally makes sense after all the insanity you’ve endured as a dating divorcée.

Why you should go for it:  He loves you unconditionally, suits you in the ways that matter, fits you – with your eyes wide open, and makes you wonder why you’ve wasted time dating any of the others! It may take months to find him or it may take years.  Even his baggage seems to complement yours – a matching set, for better or worse. So if you’re lucky enough to find Mr. The One, hang on tight – there is likely only one of him!

Mr. Provider

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How to spot him:  He puts family first, always. He’s a selfless man, who lives to please those he cares most about. He’s the kind of man who can work two jobs in his sleep, always has a side-hustle in mind to earn more money, and guards his savings with his life. He can’t rest until he knows the ones he loves are okay. He strives for perfection at home and in the office. Work-life balance is very important to him, but if missing time with his loved ones means a better life for them, he’s always game to put in the overtime and take one for the team. Words like “no,” “can’t,” and “impossible,” are just not in his vocabulary, and when he hears others use them, it only increases his devotion to the task at hand.

Why you should go for it:  Marriage is the start of a new family — your family. You will both want to provide for the family you create together, and it’s imperative that you are partners with the same goals in mind. That said, there will be times when one person just cannot do as much as the marriage (or family) requires — such is life. Marrying a natural-born provider will be a huge plus when the scales in your marriage tip, as they inevitably will at different points along your path.

Mr. Rock

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How to spot him:  At your weakest moments, his strength keeps you stable and inspires you to push through. He isn’t immune to pain or frustration, but he does handle it well, and he knows how to pull himself out of low places. He’s the kind of man who never misses your call when he knows you need to get something off your chest, or better, just a friend to be there for you. Speaking of chests, his is always there for you to lean on, squeeze, and find comfort in when it feels like only a hug will do.

Why you should go for it:  He’s loyal, devoted, and a true pillar in the world of the woman he loves. This is the perfect recipe for a loving husband that you can count on through thick and thin; what woman doesn’t dream of marrying one of these?

Mr. Critical Thinker

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How to spot him:  There isn’t a problem, big or small, that he isn’t itching to solve. He’s a quick, solid, thinker, who hates to be backed into a corner. He doesn’t just see the problem in front of him; he sees a road map of the many solutions available to him and takes his time as he determines the best way to get there, or the course of action he must take. He is patient, because he has to be — rushing things is rarely the answer and he knows this. He’s diligent, focused, and considers himself a mental Olympian of sorts.

Why you should go for it:  Marriage is truly beautiful, but it comes with its share of problems, and its rough patches. Happier times aren’t always just around the bend — getting there may require a detailed plan and thinking smarter, not harder. He will make a great team player during the moments where the only way to win is to work together, and trust me, those moments can and will arise in marriage.

Mr. Believer

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How to spot him:  When the world around him comes crumbling down and the sun seems as if it will never rise again, this man still believes — his faith is his foundation. It gets him through the good and the bad, and it never falters. He believes in the things unseen and those that many give up on when the world turns cold: hope, morals, kindness, and good will. He has a church home, or a religious mainstay in his life and the fellowship refuels his engines. He’s God-fearing (whoever his God) and he’s proud of his strong beliefs. His moral compass is always turned in a positive direction, and he refuses to accept failure. He helps others and chooses to live his life in a way he believes others should live theirs.

Why you should go for it:  This man has the emotional tools needed in his toolbox to repair many of the cracks and dents that will inevitably appear in any marriage. He’s a fighter, and he will fight with you and for your marriage. He won’t give up, even when you do.

Mr. Free Spirit

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How to spot him:  Spending time with this man never gets old. He believes that life is about living and therefore is virtually immune to the physical afflictions caused by stress and worry. It’s not that he doesn’t feel those emotions; he just refuses to let them consume him. He stays positive and seeks to enjoy all aspects of his life, as much as humanly possible. He has most likely chosen a career he loves over one that pays all the bills. Therefore he’s just as passionate about his work as he can be about feeding his cravings for new adventures. He enjoys traveling and most likely has a bucket list at least a quarter complete. He doesn’t believe in wasting time worrying about what can’t happen and prefers to shift his focus to what can. With him, there’s never a dull moment at home, in the bedroom, or when you’re out and about. His inner light shines through and warms the spirits of those around him. He keeps life exciting — almost as if, each day he presses the refresh button.

Why you should go for it:  Spending the rest of your life with the same person, doing many of the same things can be as boring or as exciting as you make it. Marrying this man ensures that one pitfall your marriage won’t ever fall into is that of pure and utter boredom. It sounds simple, but it’s so important.

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If You Take Your Pants Off You’ll Feel Better

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Life is full of ups, downs and all arounds.  Thinking of ways to soothe our soul and calm ourselves are things we are not so good at.  We would rather be stressed out, freaked out, on edge or going ninety to nothin’.  Here is a list of top ten ways to feel better:

#10  th100i24o7

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Find a piece of cardboard, stand by an intersection and solicit your fellow drivers for things you want, such as candy, hugs, a date or whatever suits your fancy!

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Purchase a pill organizer and load up your favorite treats, be sure to pull it out in front of your co-workers, as it will surely give them something to talk about.

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Go to the local zoo or anyplace that offers train rides.  

Make sure you sit next to the person who looks like they are having the worst day and then give them something to laugh about.  

Be sure to include them in #7, #6, #5, #4 & #3

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Find a group of strangers and make friends, see if you can find one who will be attached to you at the hip for some fun and shenanigans!

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Pull out your camera and get creative with your new found friends!

#5painteverywhere

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Don’t be shy!  Get to fingering painting!  You all will enjoy basking in the glow of your new designer duds!  

Be sure to go to your local fountain to wash off, it will provide entertainment not just for you and your new friends,

but also all the innocent bystanders!

#4massage-circle

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See how many people you all can get together to make a giant circle massage in your local park!  

Be sure to do this close to a patch of mud (see #3).

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Quietly sneak over to a fresh patch of mud and start slingin’!  

Then get ready for some pig squeelin’, hog sloppin’, dirty fun!  

Let the games begin!

#2Get Him to the Greek

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For real peace, quiet and calmness pet something furry!  

Whether it be a wall, fuzzy cat or a squishy panda, just fluff yourself all over it and make cuddles!

 

AND THE #1 THINGS TO DO TO MAKE YOURSELF FEEL BETTER:khaleesi-take-off-your-clothes

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Take Your Damn Pants Off – You’ll Feel Much Better!

Here’s To You!

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Ice Cream Eaters Untie!

Regardless of our age or who we are, we always revert to our childhood ways when eating ice cream.

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Spider Monkey’s:  These scavengers waste nothing!  They attack their ice cream like a spider monkey would attack a human as if he were on angel dust.  In their personal lives they are a total whirlwind… of success!  Spider Monkey’s are tenacious and their ambitions lead them to great victories. They are basically the poster children for #goals and nothing holds them back in life. If you could siphon some of that crazy energy and momentum into the rest of us, that would be great, ­thanks!

 

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The Licker:  Licker’s are methodical and calculating when eating their ice cream.  Always scanning the room and those around them as they lick their cone slowly…. ever so slowly (kind of like a tiger stalking its prey).  It is said the Licker is more pessimistic than you would think. Licker’s are also analytic and decisive.  Their friends call them an “old souls” because they are typically home by 11, but really they just like to stick to a routine. Their home is full of vintage items, not because they’re trendy, but because they truly don’t make things like they used to — which is also why they still keep that old flip phone in a junk drawer somewhere. In their spare time, Licker’s read classic works of fiction and a fair amount of their sentences begin with “I was listening to public radio and…”

 

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Dapper Dan:  Dapper Dan’s take care and pride when eating their ice cream.  They pay attention to every detail, making sure not to drip a single drop.  Dapper Dan’s are passionate people, and are often made very upset by even small injustices, like when someone doesn’t hold the door open for the person behind them. Growing up, they were president of the class and the captain of a debate team, and in their spare time they volunteered at a local animal shelter. Their loved ones will often tell you that they are stretching themselves too thin, and their therapist recommended they start telling people “no” more often, but in reality they just enjoy helping others and being part of a community, even if it means being sleep-deprived. They also haven’t done laundry in a month.

 

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Scavenger: Scavengers waste nothing, they take no prisoners, they just take what they want and when it comes to ice cream, there is no exception.  They thrive on experiencing new things.  Scavenger’s don’t jump on trends because it’s the cool thing to do; they jump on trends because it’s a new and exciting adventure. #YOLO, amirite? They’ve tried yoga, they’ve gone to a sip-and-paint class, they French press their coffee and they are most likely baking their way through the Momofuku Milk Bar book right now. They just keep on keeping on.

 

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Thug Life:  Thug Lifer’s make eating ice cream seem cool and seamless.  They are about as chill as your ice cream. They don’t get worked up over nothing, and they’re content just rolling with the punches. Because of this, Thug Lifer’s are not afraid of a little (or a lot of) of indulgence, and why should they be? A handful of cookie dough never hurt anyone… right? Milk and cookies, huh? They know how to be an adult, but they are a total kid at heart. They might even still thumb through comic books and play video games with no pants on. (That’s acceptable, right?) Despite all their successes in life, they refuse to give up their true self, and that should be celebrated. Preferably with cookies smashed into ice cream. They heckle at sporting events, and sarcasm is their middle name. Though sometimes a bit rambunctious and (playfully) cocky, they are a true solid friend once people get to know them. Their pals can depend on them for pretty much anything, anytime. They have a big personality with an even bigger heart… but we’ll keep that last part on the down-­low.

 

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Chubby Bunnies:  Chubby Bunnies are sassy and poised when taking a lick, they do it with such style and confidence that no one ever questions them.  They certainly don’t need a man, they just need ice cream.  Chubby Bunnies are likely to be flirtatious and seductive, and also lively, charming, dramatic, and gullible.  They tend to be dramatic and approach life with “gusto.” They don’t really care about the future and thrive on the “passion of the moment,” needing constant stimulation in a romantic relationship.

 

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The Fury:  This ice cream is the only thing keeping him sane right now.  Keeping one eye on you making sure you don’t make any sudden moves.  ‘nough said… yeesh!

 

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The Warrior:  Warrior’s come complete with game face — there’s nothing dainty about their methods.  If they could, they would yell “CHARGE” upon entering the ice cream parlor.  If there’s more than one option to pick from, they are inclined to go with “all”. As a kid, they smooshed multiple double-stuff cookies together to create towering, creme-filled, edible towers of Pisa, as a teenager, they mixed all the soda flavors they could fit in their cup. This isn’t a hunger thing — they just legitimately love to create, and probably have an extreme respect for impressionist painters. They are also the sort who never match their socks, and have never used an iron, and never will.

 

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BFF:   BFF’s love to eat ice cream with their friends.  They love sharing stories and giggling until all hours of the night.  They are old souls who find joy in life’s simplest moments, or… fine. They’ll just say it.  Despite being a bit of a wallflower, they have an effervescent spirit, and everyone needs a friend like them to keep them balanced. BFF’s are well rooted and family oriented, and they try to see the good in everyone. Even if they living in a big city, they possess the modest characteristics of small-town folk.  BFF’s are one of the easiest people to get along with. They’re affable and thoughtful, and they are willing to go the extra mile for those they care about, with no expectations in return. With all that considered, BFF’s are obviously pretty great to spend time with,­ especially for those of their friends who are a little on the anxious side. 

 

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The Biter:  Be weary of Biters, as they sometimes can be extremely aggressive people.  Biter’s have a profound amount of ambition, confidence, frugalness and are argumentative. They aren’t fully satisfied until they find the tarnish on the silver lining.  You see how they approach their ice cream, you have been warned.

 

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The Hot Mess (this one deserved three contestants):  HM’s are ambidextrous! They eat their ice cream with the veracity and tenaciousness one would expect from someone who uses all five senses to indulge their every creamy whim.  Hot Messes are all about mixing and matching textures. If they don’t have a shag rug, then they have dreamt about owning one. In fact, they find the ’70s aesthetic in general pretty appealing. They have cultivated a very impressive and cozy collection of pillows, so much so that they may be running short of places to sleep/sit in their house. Hot Messes are truly creative if not eclectic people and they bounce around conversation topics at lightning speed since everything interests them — but they never stop on one thought for too long.

 

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Getting Down to Business (GDB):  The No-Nonsense Approach. GDB’s take their ice cream eating seriously, you might not want to sit next to them at a game or you could end up with ice cream in your eye when their team scores a point.   GDB’s are likely aggressive and engaging, but a good listener.  They are also goal-oriented and often successful, but sometimes their aggressive behavior can “inadvertently hurt the feelings of those that surround him.”   GDB’s are blunt and have zero tolerance for nonsense. They know what they want in life and aren’t going to settle for less ­— the proof is in the cone!  Be real, or get out.

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Dare to be Different:  DTBD’s like when their ice cream gets straight to the point.  They are not indecisive, they’re just very choosy. They have a borderline disturbingly extensive knowledge of wine and food pairings — but striking a balance and finding the complement is kind of their bag (the bag which incidentally matches your shoes on a preternatural level). They know how to look at the big picture, then rearrange elements of the big picture until they all fit perfectly, like a life-sized game of Tetris.  DTBD’s are excellent at planning dinner parties and juggling awkward conversations.

 

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The Day Dreamer:   DD’s savor every moment of their ice cream.  Looking to the sky as if they are thanking God for creating such a masterpiece.  They most likely decorate extensively with their favorite color on par with Prince’s passion for purple. They are people of a magical mind, when they latch onto an idea they dig deep — in college, their thesis advisor probably oscillated between loving and hating them on a pretty regular basis.  DD’s are profound individuals with an amazing sense of self. They are honest, waste no time on judgment and know how to enrich their lives with the most basic means. Sometimes they dream about backpacking abroad; other times they dream about settling into the countryside and growing their own produce.  DD’s can be indecisive AF, but hey, it happens. In a world full of options, decisions are hard for them. They are that same individual who can never decide on a restaurant, which shirt to buy or what drink to order at the bar. Thus, an affinity for the win-win-win trifecta of eating Neapolitan ice cream is good to know.

 

What is your style?  Comments are always welcome!

THE DILEMMA….. THE ANSWER…..

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WHAT WOMEN WANT…  OR THINK THEY WANT….

Ironically, I can attest that women typically always want the Bad Boy.  After years of seeking out this persona I have come to learn (it only took 44 years) that Bad Boys are … not for me.

Women approach mate selection by over emphasizing false dichotomies – bad boy/asshole vs nice guy as if all men fit into one box or the other (I am just as guilty). Unfortunately the boxes we create are further from reality and the truth.  With today’s media women believe Bad Boys are really the soft-hearted, loyal mates we read about in romance novels and see in movies.  We make them into fictional characters upon meeting them and convince ourselves that they are really only in “Love” with us.  In reality, this is so far from the truth that it hurts to even think about it.

I’ve read over and over again women want two things – good genetics and/or many resources.  Women desire alpha males because they will be successful – no matter what.  Good genetics in a social society is an outgoing self-confident personality.  Self-confidence means focusing on goals rather than a woman. When a man is making something happen, women are incidental (I repeat, incidental).  Thus, a man who finds women trivial to success (I repeat, trivial) will automatically succeed and eventually find a woman whom he will deem to be a show pony to his success.  When he is not around, she can do the gardener if she wants because he is focused elsewhere. But the gardener will never provide the million dollar home, the vacations to the sunshine, or the big rock that can double for a door knob on her finger.  (I can tell you that without a doubt, I am tired of being made to feel “incidental” or “trivial”)

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WHAT IF…

What if women reprogrammed their methodology of mate selection?  What if women turned the tables?  What if women focused on their goals rather than a man?  What if a women found men to be trivial to her success and upon becoming successful found a man who she deemed to be her show pony?

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STOP…

Women are more conscientious than to use someone to be a show pony or find them to be either incidental or trivial; it is just one of the gifts God has bestowed upon us.  So now what?

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FINDING THE RIGHT BALANCE

It can’t always be one-sided, that would be unhealthy.  You want a mate who reciprocates.  A man who is genuine will to go dinner at a place that was chosen by both parties, perhaps even with some friendly banter over which restaurant is preferable. A man who is genuine will offer to pay but certainly won’t force the issue if you throw down your debit card and offer to split the check. A man who is genuine will disagree with you if he disagrees, and argue and talk and have a conversation with peaks and valleys, and intellectual stimulation, but will not make you feel like you’re being pandered to. A man who is genuine will walk you to your door, but will be content with a hug and a friendly wave goodnight. A man who is genuine will never make you feel obligated to do anything.

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MOST IMPORTANTLY – NO DRAMA!  NO EXCESSIVE BAGGAGE!

Try living by these eleven rules…

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You can’t save anyone, so save yourself the time

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Accept yourself

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Be honest with yourself

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Communicate your needs and wants and be sure you know his. With this awareness, you will not be disappointed or frustrated

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Manage your own emotional reactivity

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Avoid being treated poorly

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Be sure you are ready for a relationship and are not going into it feeling needy, desperate, hurt, angry or wounded

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Pace yourself – just enjoy the present and see what happens

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Let the relationship just enhance who you already are, if it doesn’t – peace out… and quick!

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FIGHT FAIRLY – without one person feeling like they always have to give in. Listen, share and validate each other – Compromise….

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Your relationship should be fun, loving and nurturing. A relationship that goes from one state of chaos to another is not healthy.  You deserve a harmonious relationship based on mutual respect and appreciation!

Maybe it is best to wait for the man who is genuine and let him win you over.

WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS.  PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT…

Machiavelli – A Perfect Weekend, Coincidence?

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Life is good.  I feel like I am starting to finally get into my own groove.  Doing things for myself, doing things that I want to do and learning Spanish, it just doesn’t get any better than that!

FRIDAY

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Friday evening was enjoyed with great company, Wyatt Earp, my straight shooter friend did not let me down.  As he strolled into the Cadillac bar, he took his seat where he could view the entire room, of course I was sitting there tap, tap, tapping on my phone and then greeted him with a lackadaisical conformist greeting of “Hey, it is good to see you”, mwa, kiss on the right cheek, mwa, kiss on the left cheek.

Our conversation was delightful with the same brutal honesty that I have come to expect.  We talked about relationships and manifesto’s women whom he has dated have sent to him on what is wrong with him.  While he admits to being an asshole, and of course, I concurred that yes, at times he can be, it is not the type of asshole you would typically encounter.  With a name like Wyatt Earp, one would have some level or arrogance and contempt for outlaws.

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“He was not an angel,” former Tombstone resident George Parsons wrote in 1928, “but his faults were minor ones, and he never killed a man who did not richly deserve it. The real Wyatt led a life that was authentically Western. He was a gambler and a saloon keeper, and he enjoyed the charms of several women. Most of all, he was as tough as men came when toughness earned respect. He was loved and hated, a man who drew strong allegiances and made devoted enemies. Wyatt Earp was a natural leader with a coterie of followers who always believed he did right. He believed it too.”

Do you think if we write manifesto’s, and I am just as guilty, we should preface a negative with at least a positive?  You know like your boss does when he calls you into his office?  Read on, I will answer this question when we get to Sunday.

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My friend Brittany Spears just came in my office and informed me she threw a co-worker under the bus on Friday, but waited until she was about to leave for the day.  That was an asshole move, and yes, she can be an asshole too.

SATURDAY

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Saturday, I had the most incredible massage.  This guy worked me over, I could feel the stress balls release.  I knew that I was going to pay dearly the next couple of days for this guilty pleasure and I can still feel it today.

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I got home and watched 7 straight hours of NARCOS.  I’m not going to lie, I am hooked!  My Spanish vocabulary has increased 10-fold and I am not sure if that is good or bad.  I had no idea of the mayhem and chaos happening in Columbia during the 80s and 90s.  It was pure anarchy.

  • Bomba, Bomba, Bomba,
  • Ustedes eligen, ¿plata o plomo?
  • Coma mierda. Coma. Mierda.
  • el patron
  • Bien o qué?
  • Qué más?
  • Puta
  • hijo de puta
  • hija de puta

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 Pablo Escobar, in my opinion was a true follower of the Machiavellian way (the handbook for gangsters):

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  • States can be republics or kingdoms, old or new. The easiest to rule are old hereditary kingdoms, lands that are passed down from father to son. Basically, instead of passing along their 2001 Toyota Camry, your parents give you a kingdom.  He surely was striving to rule the new kingdom! 

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  • You’d have to be an idiot to have problems ruling one of these. Because they’re so easy to rule, they are hard to take. The best way to take old hereditary kingdoms is by killing the old monarchy. Every last one.  To say the least he seemed to be successful at taking people out at every level! 

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  • Mercenaries and auxiliaries (people you pay to fight for you) are a waste of time and dangerous, to boot. If you have a strong army, and your people love you, no one can touch you. They won’t even think about it. He earned the love of the people of Columbia and truthfully no one could touch him! 

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  • On that topic, you need to run your army, so war needs to be on your mind all day every day. You need to be on the cutting edge of war techniques and technology. He was always consumed with stirring shit up and then negotiating, and endless cycle of entertainment for him, a way for him to feel importanto! 

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  • You also need violence to take self-governed republics, because they will rebel if you don’t crush them. Just remember not to keep being violent. Get it over with so you can start being nice and people won’t hate you. Never let your people hate you. Lie, cheat, steal—just don’t become hated. Unfortunately this ultimately led to his demise; however, he was able to lie, cheat and steal for a long time and the people still loved him!

SUNDAY

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Sunday morning was the best!  I grabbed a cup of Starbucks, I came home, watched videos of my professor talking about Leadership and Management in an office and took my final exam.  Here is what I learned – high functioning employees prefer specific instruction; however, in order to get the maximum performance from them you should give high functioning employees ambiguous direction because they will always give you more than expected.  Low functioning employees should be given specific instruction; however, they prefer ambiguous direction.  In my learning process my eyes are continually forced wide open.  Is this manipulation?  Are our managers really assholes learning the system to get unknowing and unsuspecting employees to do their work?

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I also learned, what I’ve already known, that shit rolls downhill.  No matter the situation, the lowest guy on the totem pole will always take it up the ass.  If you look at the Exxon Valdez oil spill, the CEO said he would take responsibility. Then the focus flowed down to the captain of the ship who was sleeping off an alcohol bender.  The captain turned the ship over to an unlicensed mate who was tasked with piloting the ship and ultimately paid the price for the spill.  When we delegate responsibility as an authority are we still ultimately responsible?  The more distance executives are to a situation the less likely they are culpable for any wrong doing.  Just look at Lou Pai, he was actually one of the Smartest Men in the Room.

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Funny, Machiavelli reared his ugly head again in my weekend, in fact, he was a realist who understood the limits and uses of power.  He believed that leaders should always mask their true intentions, avoid inconsistency, and “frequently act against mercy, against faith, against humanity, against frankness, against religion, in order to preserve the state.”  But what does that really mean?  If you study management theory in conjunction with political theory, you will begin to realize that you are studying the same subject.  I encourage you to re-read my bullet points above – you may see a disturbing correlation.

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Which brings me back to Friday, aren’t we all really just assholes in some form or fashion?  It might just be the level of assholedness that one possesses, but ultimately do we really think like Machiavelli to some degree?

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MUCUS really is human waste…. (say: MYOO-kus)- UPDATED 10/26/2016

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My life married to a diagnosed narcissist, alcoholic and prescription pill abuser – his lies and inappropriate behavior:

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His giant chick-let two front teeth and his fake hair (He used his daughters entire college fund to pay for 2 hair transplants – I still receive letters from the Bosley Men’s Hair Club addressed to Mucus (a nickname kids used to call him when he was a kid, and I kind of like it now)).

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(this is what he should look like, if nature had her way – as you can see, he really does have chick-let teeth)

Now before any of you say, “you are so mean”, please let me preface this by the many lies he told anyone who would listen and his chaotic antics (this is just the tip of the iceberg, I will keep this updated):

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“I am autistic.” (This is one of my favorites, he actually told me he was autistic.  Sadly I bought books on how to have a relationship with someone who was autistic.  It would be nice if all the autistic people in the world would back him into a corner and give him a piece of their mind)

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“I am an astronaut.  I am the astronaut who will be the pilot who test flies the first commercial space craft.”  (After hearing this lie, I wonder if all the REAL astronauts would consider putting him in one of those G-Force (which he claims he has been in) machines and spin him over 8Gs for at least 1 minute for saying such nonsense)

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“I was a civilian in the Special Forces.  I went on secret missions.” (I wonder if he will ever encounter someone in the special forces who sees through him, maybe then he will get to go on that secret mission?)

“I was in a military unit where everyone was killed but me.” (This really upsets me, there are so many families out there who have lost loved ones, and then this guy, Mucus, claims to be a war hero…  pfft)

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“I was shot in the butt in Afghanistan.” (Hopefully we never have to see that, he doesn’t wipe his ass very well)

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“My pupil was blown out when bombs were going off around me.” (I actually asked him about it when he was shit faced drunk and he let the cat out of the bag – when he was a kid he was too close to the fireworks – this actually might explain something)

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“I was there when Osama Bin Laden was killed.” (Really, cause I asked Mucus the time/date and location of this event and uh, there was silence.)

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“I am a pilot.” (HA HA HA HA, ok, I will give him credit, he did at one time have a some kind of certification, although sketchy, I did see it.  The last time he flew I think he was like 16 or 18, prop plane, but he ain’t no 737 pilot.)

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“You see that car over there (full of cleaning supplies, mops, etc), they are spying on me.  I have a secret number to call, because you know I did all that top secret stuff.”  (I don’t know if the cleaning ladies were more freaked out than I was, but I could not stop laughing when he said they were following him.  They were most likely following him because they wanted to clean his mouth out with soap for lying so much)

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“I put 6 people in the hospital after they tried to fight me, that is why I had to leave Seattle immediately.”  (I’m pretty sure, they kicked his ass – I’m just saying)

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“When I was in Afghanistan I bought all the liquor on base and gave it to all the soldiers.” (I am pretty sure they do not sell liquor over there, but I could be wrong)

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Mucus was arrested one time for being so drunk and going to the wrong apartment looking for his daughter and I.  The people were so terrified of his crazy behavior they called the police.  (His 11 year old daughter had to go with me to bail him out, I will say I was embarrassed – he checked himself in rehab for the first time so he could avoid any custody issues, he started drinking and drugging about a week after he got out)

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“I am a millionaire!” (Yes, well that is a crock of shit.  Anyone who claims to be a millionaire based on their family members dying is pretty sick.  That is just some jacked up, fucked up shit.  Even though his family are a bunch of nutballs, I would never wish someone’s death just to get money – yes, he even throws his own family under the bus and they don’t have a clue)

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For some reason I decided to Chrono his behavior in 2014 and save it on my blog site as private. WOW!  my therapist was right, I really did stay with him for so long to protect his daughter, because there is no other reason why anyone would want to endure this:

8/2/2014:  Today I got told to get the fuck out of his house because I flushed his Ambien down the toilet because he was popping pills all day and acting crazy.

8/20/2014:  Today I was accused of hiding his Ambien.

8/16/2014: Today I was subjected to almost doing a drive by of his ex’s house – and then got yelled at because I didn’t want to, I also got harassed for leaving the restaurant to catch a movie, had to leave the movie because he was obsessing and then he backed me into a corner

8/30/2014: Today I was humiliated in front of his daughter because he lost his Lunesta sleeping pills and accused me of taking them.

9/4/2014:  Today I got my asshole ripped for buying my Lover’s 10 year old daughter 3 magazines without asking permission to do so.

9/4/2014:  Today I got my asshole ripped for buying dog food for my two dogs, food that I have been feeding them for the past year or so because I did not run it buy him first.

9/4/2014:  Today I got told that he typically dates model type girls, his friends don’t understand why he is dating me because I am not the type he usually dates – yea I’ve got a great personality, but that is about it.  I should be happy because he chose me.

9/4/2014:  Today I was told not to plan any surprises, he hates surprises.  He told me that I crossed his boundaries everyday, but could not give concrete examples.

9/5/2014:  Haven’t had sex in about a week – think it is a way he chooses to punish me.

9/5/2014:  Today he started repainting the house without my help or input – fuck it (I guess I suck at it).

9/5/2014:  Today I do not want to go home.

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He goes around wearing military boots, you know the ones, they are tan, lace up – along with his black hat with the Velcro on the front so he can attach an American flag.  He buys all this shit from online military stories.  The icing on the cake is that when people thank him for his service and he actually nods his head or engages in a conversation, making it seem like he can’t talk about it because he has PTSD.  (I won’t lie, one time I told him to shut up because playing too much Call of Duty does not give someone PTSD)

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I really feel sad for his new fiancé, I suppose she has now taken the role of his “Guardian Angel” – a label I happily turn over to her.  Prior to dating Mucus, she was in a relationship with this really handsome black man.  When I finally caught on to his cheating with her, I confronted him while we were driving home from lunch, his response was “I would never fuck a girl who has had a ni**er dick stuck in her.”  (I wonder if he used that word in front of a group of black men if they would show him what that word really means?)

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One time he drove me over to his ex-laws and confronted his ex mother-in law for driving by his house (they live in the same neighborhood – not to mention it is hard not to drive by someone’s house when they live on the corner, she called him a “Low Class Piece of Shit” and I think she was right.)

One time he was arrested for family violence of a terroristic threat and resisting arrest for sending his ex-wife this text :

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Just so he could try to save his ass, he checked himself into rehab for the 2nd time (that is really his mug shot above – It was there that his counselor told, Mucus was not really working the program and that he had been clinically diagnosed with a narcissistic personality disorder along with his addiction issues. Mucus was actually laughing and bragging about it – I sure hope the Judge sees through him and gives him the punishment he deserves.  FYI, he only lasted about 2 days after getting out before he started drinking again)

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Another time, using that same gun Mucus got up in the middle of the night and brought it to bed because he said I made a strange noise in my sleep.  (He was super drunk and high on pills.  His daughter was sleeping in the room down the hall and of course I had tell him I would call the police if he did not put it away – Yay, that was no fun)

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Mucus decided to ask my son to help him cut down 1/2 the fence in our backyard so we would have a view of the golf course.  Our neighbors did not appreciate his idea and would frequently stand in their backyard looking at his handy work.  One time Mucus, his mother and my son were sitting in the living room, I saw our neighbors standing in THEIR yard and mentioned it to him.  Mucus jumped up ran upstairs, grabbed the same gun and came flying down waving it all over the place threatening to take our neighbors out.  (For some reason his mother did not think his behavior was strange.  My son and I sure did!)

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One time his ex-wife had to take out a Temporary Restraining Order against him to protect herself and her daughter.

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One year when we celebrated Christmas with his girls, his oldest daughter came over about 10AM and Mucus was already intoxicated, by the time they opened their presents, he was so drunk he could barely hold his head.  He behavior was offensive, by yelling and talking gibberish.  I had to take him upstairs and put him to bed.  (The girls and I spent the rest of the day together talking about the things they had been through – it made me cry)  

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Mucus also loved to hit on other women in front of me, but the cherry on top of the sundae was when he was hitting on my son’s girlfriend in front of me (I will say that whenever he hit on other women they would always try to get away from him as fast as possible, because he was/is that creepy old guy)

scared-girl-clinging-to-motherEven more disheartening his youngest daughter is terrified to be alone with her dad.  Since I have known her she has expressed her feelings and clings to me while she was at his house.  She starts texting me upon her arrival and wants to know when I will be home.  The texts become more rapid as he drinks more and begins to act “crazy”.  I’ve sat and held her for hours while she has cried about being there.  I did my best to make arrangements to leave work early to get home so she feels comfortable.  I have run interference when Marcus has gotten out of control. She even had a safety plan in the case he was inappropriate.  (It terrified me to know when she was alone with her dad, I always wonder how sick he really is – to this day, I know I am not there to protect her and I pray to God that he watches over her)

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My son has seen the effects it has had on his youngest daughter; one night we all went out to dinner, Mucus was walking with his daughter in front of my son and I.  Mucus could barely walk, slurring his words and was bumping into things.  My son sensed his daughter’s discomfort and sent Mucus back to walk with me, while he walked next to her and tried to distract her from her dad’s behavior.  We sat down for dinner and he kept ordering mixed drinks, so my son took his daughter to feed the ducks and ride a roller coaster.  Mucus had a meltdown in public, so as soon as they got off one ride we had to leave. (My son is one of the most kind-hearted young man you would ever meet, he was always worried about Mucus’s youngest daughter and would express his concern to me.  Anytime I texted my son, his first response would be “Are you ok?”)

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We took a trip to Mexico, he went to the pharmacy everyday to find a doctor who would write him prescriptions for Ambien and Lunesta.  The day before we left he was finally able to find a doctor and obtained prescriptions for both and had them filled before we left.  (The whole trip he was drunk, passed out and constantly stopping at every Pharmacia)

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Regarding money issues, let me be very clear- I had concerns about co-mingling our funds, I resisted doing it for the longest time.  I relented when Mucus convinced me it was the best thing to do.  When the credit card statements came in, I would go over the bill for both cards and give a detailed itemization of each expenditure (for Mucus card too, because he could never remember what things were for).  I started to catch on that there were charges to CVS, Randalls and Walgreens for $30, $40, $50 everyday and some days multiple times – because Mucus would go to those places and buy bottles of wine.  Every time we went out to dinner he would order alcoholic drinks which typically ended up being more than both of our meals together. (Cause it is normal to hit up grocery and drug stories multiple times a day- NOT)

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Mucus also has issues with animals.  I have witnessed him being cruel to the dogs and cat.  Kicking the dog he bought me with such force of the bed that she hit the dresser in midair.  He shot my cat with a bb gun, and then he decided one day to put a zip tie on a skin tag that my other dog had, which caused it to grow 3 times what it was, with puss and blood leaking out of it.  The zip tie was on so tight I couldn’t get it off and had to take her to the vet where they had to perform emergency surgery at 12AM.  His daughter and I were in tears at the vet and then he blamed me for it by saying I told him to do it.  I assure you I would never ask Mucus to do anything to any animal, certainly not something like that.   (There is a place for people who are cruel to animals.)

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Oh gosh!  I forgot one of my most favorite lies!  Mucus told me he went to University from K-12 for gifted children and he was a child prodigy.  (How could I have been so naive, he went to a school called “University School” he was never in any gifted and talented classes, he was certainly never a child prodigy – and he could barely read or write, much less have an intelligent coherent conversation)

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Here is a letter from his daughter while Mucus was in rehab the first time:

“Daddy, I know its been hard but its been most hard on me. I know you love me so so so much! But you have hurt my feelings for the past 5 years you ruined all of my birthday partys and embarrised me in front of a lot of people including my friends. Like at my last birthday I thought we were going to get in a car accident and I was late to my birthday party and everyone was there looking at me and strange but I don’t like coming over to your house because it hurts my feelings a lot. And I love you and Kristen very much but it hurts for me to see you. And we do sometimes have fun but im emmbarrised. And I cant do this back and forth thing anymore because there are people who love me dearly. And I hate to say this or type this but I don’t want to see you because, it hurts me some much! And I cant do this any more because I’m not happy and I make your heart happy and that’s what I like to do is to make people happy because if I don’t it makes me sad. And when I am ready to see you I will try to do something like lunch or breakfast but im not ready to see you for a while and when I am I will text Kristen or you but I know you are getting better from drinking and I know you could be a great dad but I cant handle myself of thinking of seeing you as a dad I couldn’t handle it. Its hurting me so badly to type this but if I do this anymore im going to go crazy and this weekend I was going to run away thinking that would help me. But I need a lot of time to think this threw. I am trying to make people be happy and im trying to be happy but when im at moms I ruin it for her and me because I complain about coming to your house . Because it hurts my feelings. I hope you think deep about this I hope you can understand how I feel.” (Heartbreaking, she is such a smart and beautiful young woman – actually both his daughters are)

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Sadly every weekend his daughter was with us he was drinking, hiding alcohol all over the house and when his daughter tried to get close to him, he would move away so she would not smell the alcohol.  (His daughter did mention during one of those visits (well most visits) that she smelled alcohol and found a glass with wine in it – she even went as so far to find his stash and pour it out)

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Mucus shared with me he visited a psychic in New Orleans (where he lives today)….. he said the psychic told him that he was murdered in a previous life in the 60’s, he was reborn too soon and still has a lot of anger that has carried over into this life. She could sense he had been through a lot of hurt, that he is unusually intelligent and has unique gifts.  She also had a strong feeling that the life he lived so far was one of many depths.  (That is an understatement)

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Mucus would also tell me crazy things like he saw his best friend from college who past away floating over his bed the other night, and he was convinced he had a connection to the dead and beyond.  (Something about his mom telling him when his was younger that he had a special gift of being able to see the future and sense certain things – I told you his family is just a nuts.)  

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Did I mention the DWI?  Or the time he was arrested at Jumpy World….. 

 

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This is a public service announcement, it is all true, tons of witnesses, and guess what, there really are sick people out there.  If your gut tells you to peace out – LISTEN!  If you find yourself in this type of relationship, please seek help and know, it is not your fault.

Oh yes, Mucus’ mother once told him, that I would haunt him forever.  (Boo!)

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and through it all, and by the Grace of God, I have forgiven……..

Welcome to the Club Kristen – You’re One Cool Chick!

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My son told me long ago and still tells me today, that I am the coolest mom ever.  Even his friends enjoy hanging out with me and sometimes he is awed by the fact that I really am pretty damn laid back (his words not mine).

I’ve often been told that I am a really cool chick, never really taking into account what that meant, other than I really just try to keep things real.

I mean, I am who I am, take it or leave it, I really don’t care.  I think age plays a big part in in too.

This past weekend, I hung out with a friend of mine, Ricky (alias), and he even commented on what a “Cool Chick” I am.  Even took the time to write it on a cocktail napkin.

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Well as Wyatt Earp so eloquently put it “You are pieces left behind from someone who hurt you” and thanks to Ricky (alias), who made me take pause….  I believe I just may have found a piece!  I used to be a really cool chick!  Wait!  I still am a really cool chick!  Get the superglue out, let’s starting putting this girl back together!

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It got me thinking so I did a little research and I would say that about sums it up:

She owns more than one pair of chucks.

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Cool Chicks don’t have the hang-ups of normal girls: They don’t get bogged down by the patriarchy, or worrying about their weight.

They’re basically dudes masquerading in women’s bodies, reaping the privileges of both.

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The Cool Chick has many variations: She can have tattoos, she can be into comics, coloring books, she might be really into climbing, hiking or pickling vegetables. She’s always down to hang out, or do something spontaneous like drive all night to go to a secret concert. Her body, skin, face, and hair all look effortless and natural — and wears a uniform of jeans, tank tops and tee’s, because trying hard isn’t Cool. The Cool Chick has a super-sexy ponytail or a sassy pixie cut.

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The Cool Chick never nags, or “just wants one” of your chili fries, because she orders a giant order for herself. She’s an ideal that matches the times — a mix of feminism and passivity, of confidence and femininity.

She definitely knows what she wants.

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And it’s an image that keeps amplifying: She may have shed her tomboy pastimes, but she still loves fries, pizza, and Doritos. She photobombs like a boss.

She hates liars and promises to punch anyone who lies like a boss to her face.

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Girls love her, guys desire her.

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 NEXT WEEKEND – HANGING OUT WITH THE GIRLS!

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Tiffany my kittie has been with me in Austin, Bastrop, Boston, San Antonio and Galveston.  Yesterday she said goodbye to the world.  For the past few nights I knew she wasn’t feeling well, so I would put her in bed with me and she would lay cuddled up next to me.  Wednesday night, I knew something was wrong as her breathing became labored, I wept, it was the first time in almost about a year since I’ve felt any real feelings.  I made the decision to have her put to sleep Thursday morning, the pain and agony I felt was debilitating.  I cuddled up next to her and gently stroked her head, and she gave me every last bit of purrr she had left in her.  We slept through the night and in the morning, as I was getting ready, Tiffany let out several mew’s, I knew this was it.  I held her in my arms as she gasped for air, I kissed her head, held her so close and told her how much I loved her.  My son came in and put his arms around us.  I could see the pain in his eyes, he was trying to be strong.

Yesterday, I stayed strong and went to work.  I came home, had a drink to numb the pain and buried her by myself.  I placed a little heart of shells on her grave. 

Today, no matter how hard to I try to pack down those feelings – they are flooding to the surface.  I wish this work day would be over so I can go home, shut the world out, crawl up in a little ball and weep.

The sadness rips at my heartstrings.  It is during times like these when you need your friends and loved ones to be there – but somehow, I am alone. 

 

 

BEARY SICK…

We’ll I’ve been sick in bed for a few days now…  I think my lawn mowing job pushed me over the edge.  This is nothing worse than being stuck in bed, I think I’m going stir crazy.  Started my ZPak, and will pick up the cough meds this evening.  

 

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Why is it when we are sick like this we just want our mommies, no matter how old we are?  I remember my mom comforting me and making sure I was ok.    I wish she lived closer…

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Thank goodness for good friends….