Ya just do….

You are the Result of 4 Billion Years of Evolutionary Success. ACT LIKE IT!

There are certain things that piss me off in this world. Of course, some of those things are fairly universal, so they’re not even worth mentioning. Things like taxes or politicians or aggressive drivers are on everybody’s list, so I don’t think I need to bother putting them on mine.

Therefore, I’ll just list some of the oddball, off-beat things that piss me off. Maybe you’ll agree with them, and maybe you won’t. Or maybe you’ll appear in them, which would mean we have a problem. Oh well … I was never big on diplomacy anyway.

Anti-Elitism

Have you ever had someone call you an “elitist?” Let’s say you mutter something about how people who flunked out of high school are obviously too stupid to vote (which they are), and someone retorts: “that’s the most elitist thing I’ve ever heard”. Are you supposed to feel ashamed? Fuck no, you should say “thank you”!

What the fuck is wrong with intellectual elitism? Should I be ashamed that I would value the opinion of an educated historian on historical matters over that of, say, Ralph the bus driver? Should I be ashamed that I value the information in my university physics textbook over the ignorant drivel being spewed by GreenPeace in its idiotic campaign against nuclear power?

People who point at their wrist

People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is, buddy…where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is??

 

Butt Crack

When your butt crack is showing and there is nothing you can do about it.

 

Toilet Paper

When you are in the bathroom and notice there is no toilet paper….after

 

Ice

When you are trying to get ice from the bottom of your cup and it ends up spilling in your face.

 

People who make wide right turns

OK, why do some people make wide swings to the left before they make a right turn? I mean…these are the people driving Buick’s, not semi’s. They swing all the way into the left lane to make their right hand turn, completely oblivious to anyone who may be passing them.

 

Fruit

Fruit that looks great in the store and tastes like shit and is rotten at home.

 

Telephone Prompts

Those annoying telephone prompts are #3. Press one for English. This is America where English is our language. Why should I be made to feel that I’m in some foreign country? Now some companies have wised up and give a Spanish prompt immediately. Can anyone tell me if there are prompts in Chinese, Arabic, or Hindi

 

Cannibalistic commercials

I find it disturbing that the cute little Cinnamon Toast Crunch pieces are eating each other. I don’t think I could stand having a whole box of them on my shelf, because I’d always be imagining the horrors taking place within. And I don’t think it’s funny to watch the little M&M guys being lured to their doom, fighting for their lives while being stuffed into ovens, and especially the one having his brain devoured by voracious women (who are not even zombies). “It hurts! But I kinda like it” he says. It hurts. I don’t like it. Ditto all the happy, singing cows, chickens, and pigs selling beef, chicken, and pork products. Epic. Ewww.

 

Intelligent People Who are Idiots

Most of my close group of acquaintances, (is that a thing?) are extremely intelligent people. However, they are also completely socially incompetent. This does bring up the book smart vs. life smart debate.  From my limited life experiences, I will say that life smarts are more important 100% of the time. What is the use of knowing advanced calculus, European literature,or the periodic table, if you can’t apply those skills in a comfortable social situation.

Bicycle Shorts

Now you know why bicycle shorts should be black – NO RED!

 

Inability To ‘Read’ A Situation

It pisses me off when people don’t know how to gage a situation and stop themselves from making an ass out of themselves for saying the completely wrong thing at the wrong time. If someone is talking about something sad, say….I don’t know….suicide, maybe – don’t be a cock.

 

 

People that need to be told repeatedly to do something

Especially applicable to marching band members. If you’re told to dress a form once, please dress it the next run-through, and the next…It gets annoying hearing the same DI’s saying “dress the fucking form, please.” Synthesize. Assimilate. Think.

 

Hypocrites

If you’re going to tell someone how to do something, make sure you know how to do it first.

 

Extremist environmentalists

Don’t get me wrong, I love this planet and most forms of life on it, probably more than most environmentalists. But don’t ever tell me you’re going to halt all the logging in an entire region because of one bat. Don’t ask me to sign any petitions either.

 

Hypocrites

It bears repeating.

 

People who try to push their beliefs on everyone else

It is one thing to preach the wonderful word of God. It is yet another thing to hate someone else for not believing in him. As long as it’s not hurting you, don’t worry about it. Be secure enough in your belief that they will find out that they’re wrong on their own.

People who exclude others because they aren’t exactly like them

Cliques suck, okay? You know, let that poor little introverted kid in — they could be really funny, or have a great opinion or idea to offer. Of course, they might not. But you can feel better that you tried.

People who take credit for the work of others

Stop it. The next time I see someone sitting on their ass while some nice people bust ass, then take credit for the whole business later when it counts, I’m going to punch that person in the face.

People who don’t care who they hurt in their quest for power

This is totally stupid, but I’ve seen it done many times. If you deserve to have power, you will get it. Quit sucking up. It pisses everyone off. If you suck up, don’t be surprised if you have a fucking army of pissed off ‘underlings’ ready to plaster you to the wall with duct tape when the revolution comes.

Gun control

As long as my Constitution says I have the right to keep and bear, I will. I don’t care if you think it’s archaic; I will defend the Constitution, my rights, and myself with my gun, thank you very much. I think we still need them, if not now more than ever with you stupid bastards trying to take my rights away. Is that not some of the reason our ancestors came here in the first place? Realize your own heritage, for God’s sake.

Parents who keep topics/words/anything taboo to their kids

If you don’t tell your kids about something, especially if they ask, then you’re fucking yourself. They will find out on their own and use it to defy you. Don’t you remember being a child? Talk about guns. Talk about sex. Do what you have to do. Educate them before they educate themselves in the wrong way.

People who think their ears are too delicate to hear “swear” words

You know what I’m talking about. Damn, shit, hell, fuck, ass, bitch, tits, cunt, dick…I could go on. I think of myself as Carlinistic in thought; if you know who George Carlin is, then you know what I am talking about. He has an idea that words only have the meaning we attach to them, and he can’t believe that we single out certain words of the 400k or so that we have in the English language as “dirty.” Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits. There, I said them. Sometimes, there are just no other words that will do the trick. You are not too good to hear these words. Stop pretending.

People who don’t like music

What? How the hell do you SURVIVE? I find it hard to believe a heart still beats in your chest if you cannot supplement it with rhythm. End of story.

Women who get boob jobs

You don’t want big tits. Trust me. They’re a pain in the ass. And if you have a skinny body, they are going to look totally stupid on you. If you think that they’re going to nab you a guy…well, I hope you like shallow-ass men.

Parents who are obsessed with their children

Again, it looks like I’m contradicting myself. But while it’s one thing to teach your growing kids about the world, it is quite another to live their lives for them. You know, maybe it’s a bit much to take them from school to Girl Scouts, then directly to karate, dance class, yoga, soccer, family therapy, and masturbation practice before making them do their homework, letting them eat in front of the television, then shoving them off to bed. Quit trying to live vicariously through them, you yuppie piece of shit. Just let the poor kid grow up and maybe she won’t murder you in your sleep with that gun you think you’ve hidden from her but won’t teach her about.

The word “racist”

Face it, people. You belong to the HUMAN race. African people are not a race, nor are Hispanic people, no more than Irish or Swedish people. The word “race” asserts that there is some fundamental difference setting a group of beings apart. And guess what – I don’t think all the melanin and darker plastids in the world can make you fundamentally different from me, a pinkish, Swedish-Irish-Indian-Canadian girl. It is not a difference, simply a function of the climate that the people you are descended from adapted to.

 

Self Control

LAUGH OUT LOUD….

I was reading someone else’s blog today and found a LOT of humor.  It was based on “Bad Relationships”.  Here are the highlights and my commentary:

“We have all been there, fuck I have even been in some fucked up relationships with women I even liked. Sometimes we are better left as friends than trying to make a relationship work.”

HA HA, OMG!  What is it about the crazy ones that are so likeable? 

“If your in such a relationship you have to know in your mind when it is time to go, cut your loss’s and get the fuck out.”

Why does our mind always take so long to cut our losses and get the fuck out? 

“Then sometimes we enter relationships that start off good, and everything seems to be flowing in a good direction, then it is like you hit a brick wall, and your like what the fuck just happened.”

Everything always starts out all good, just give it time…  that flow turns into a typhoon…  HA HA HA… OMG!  Those “Oh Shit” “What the Fuck just happened moments!:  You gotta love’m!

“So you let things get to what the fuck happened? How do you fix this? You talk and you talk and you talk, but things are just going from bad to fuck me.”

How many times have things gone from “bad to fuck me?”, it doesn’t even have to be a relationship…  LMAO!!!

“Abuse does not have to be physical, no no no abuse comes in many different forms it is just verbal abuse knocks the fuck out of you without you seeing it coming.

How many times have you been minding your own business and your S.O. has walked it and you felt like you just got beat with a baseball bat, when if fact you had a tongue lashing that left you curled up in the fetal position?  SWEET JESUS… it just gets better!!!  HA HA

“It is easy to replace a dumbass , as a matter of fact you can replace a dumbass in less than a week.”

OH gawd!  I love this guy!!! 

“You can pretend the stupid will go away, but the truth is, once the stupid kicks in, it just loses all control, and you cannot stop it.”

I saved the BEST for last…  “ONCE STUPID KICKS IT, IT JUST LOOSES ALL CONTROL AND YOU CANNOT STOP IT”, I just need to repeat this to myself everyday… ha ha ha…  It is applicable to everyday life!!!  HA HA HA HA!!!  TEARS ARE RUNNING DOWN MY LEGS!!!  Unrequited LOVE…. 

Just Add Water…. Sea-Monkeys

 

So I am back from my hiatus and have had my first official weekend being an adult role model to my Lover’s 10 year old daughter.  What a great age, what a great kid, it kind of makes me want to have another.  Whaaa??  Did I just say that out loud?  My son is 21…. Twenty-One, that is 2-1 and now I am considering having another child?  Someone slap me.  

It is amazing how kids can change your life, whether they are your own, your friends or you are put into a situation where you just add water and become an instant pseduo-parent.  

This weekend I got to see the world through the eyes of a 10 year old and it has been FUN.  Playing badminton in the house, getting up to 34 hits without dropping the birdie, watching girlie kid movies and tv shows (my how they have changed since I was a kid), feeding baby ducks, playing UNO.

Going to the grocery store (never knew it could be so fun),  going to Hobby Lobby finding craft projects and having someone who really enjoys doing that kind of stuff (her showing me new and innovative craft ideas with duct tape – yes… duct tape, I am now the proud owner of a duct taped clip board and have duct tape book markers for my textbooks, thank you very much), going to the mall and taking the time to actual shop, give opinions, and look at girlie stuff.  

The best part is just having “girlie talk” – since boys were primarily in my household for the past 21 years, it really limited the topics (I assure you, they did not want to discuss the prettiest color nail polish).  The oober-bestest part is that she told me she “loved me” when she gave me a great big hug and thanked me.  It made me a little teary, I won’t lie, but it also showed me that in my educational journey that working with kids might be right up my alley.  

Why is it that when we find someone we love, that we want to share the most ultimate compliment of having a child with that person?  Is it just my biological clock ticking or is there really something to this?  More self-discovery to come.