too busy to love, too tired to care

There is an epidemic these days that can only be described as:

too busy to love, too tired to care.

Like little frogs swimming in the pot of ever increasing boiling water, we just don’t know when to jump! How to get out of this? How to jump as if our lives depended upon it?!

Rainer Marie Rilke, the German poet and philosopher said:

For one human being to love another, that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.

What if this is true? What are we doing here? What if the greatest achievement in life is love? Not just the romantic Hollywood version of love, but the unconditional kind based in a foundation of self-love? Well if that is the case, we are all pretty much screwed, because these days, people don’t take the time to give unconditionally (say that word five times in your head and really think of the meaning – you will amaze yourself).

It’s understandable to shy away from it when the going gets tough, hell, strapping your kiks on and not even shutting the front door seems viable in certain situations. Do we just concede in our relationships? Do we just go with the flow, not make waves, ignore the toxicity, live in ignorant bliss? It’s understandable to be so exhausted by survival mode to really be able to feel what’s real, even when it’s really good or bad!

But at some point, we need to pause for reflection, to clarify what really is of value to us, and then to create intentions that we feel passionate enough to pursue. Easier said than done, as when you are on the merry-go-round, #1, it is hard to get off when in motion and #2, it is hard not to vomit when you get off. Sometime we just have to suck it up, get our legs back under us. Back in the day Sundays used to give us a reminder of what’s most important, as we gathered with friends and family to share a meal and leisurely conversation, to laugh at our communal challenges and celebrate our triumphs.

With so much on the agenda, even celebrations begin to feel like an obligation…one more thing to do. The mere thought of planning a birthday party feels overwhelming!

One of my favorite business coaches taught me that “overwhelm comes from action without the plan.” This is so brilliant, isn’t it? To just go through life like a ship without a rudder gets exhausting after a while.

The plan, in this case, is clarifying what is of value. Look through some magazines. Find images that spark you and inspire you. What is it about that image that makes you feel alive? What is the essence of that request you are formulating?

One of my favorite images came from an insurance company’s newsletter. There was an Adirondack chair on the cover, sitting on the edge of a peer, overlooking a beautiful, peaceful blue lake. The headline said, “Retire Early, Live Your Dreams.” I laughed, not in the ha ha funny sense, but in the “I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel” kind of laugh.

At one time, I made this my intention, because I felt passionate about freedom, using my life force to do the work I love, and because I wanted to have enough energy left over to genuinely appreciate my loved ones. But when it came right down to it, I found that doing what you love does not pay the bills or give you extra time. Do I want to sit in that Adirondack chair by the lake? Absolutely, and at this point, sitting in that chair among friends seems more appealing than sitting alone.

Ahhh-maaazzing Kiddos

I’ve been blessed with the kiddos who have been a part of my life.  I have two great step kids (yes, I still call them my step kids even tho I’m divorced) and now I am lucky to have the three sweetest young women in my life who keep me young at heart.  Throughout the years I have learned A LOT, the maturation process gives us an identity as we grow.  Some words of wisdom I hope one day you will read, for every woman should embrace her inner and outer beauty.

1. When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another. – Helen Keller.

2. If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it – Erma Bombeck.

3. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. – Maya Angelou.

4. The most effective way to do it, is to do it. – Amelia Earhart.

5. If you don’t like being a doormat then get off the floor. – Al Anon.

6. Anything you want to ask a teacher, ask yourself, and wait for the answer in silence. – Byron Katie.

7. It is only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on Earth and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it were the only one we had. – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.

8. If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun. – Katharine Hepburn.

9. When you forgive, you heal your own anger and hurt and are able to let love lead again. It’s like spring cleaning for your heart. – Marci Shimoff.

10. Forget about the fast lane. If you really want to fly, just harness your powerto your passion. -Oprah.

11. Your own words are the bricks and mortar of the dreams you want to realize. Your words are the greatest power you have. The words you choose and their use establish the life you experience. – Sonia Choquette.

12.  Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. – Maya Angelou.

13. Everyone has inside of her a piece of good news. The good news is that you don’t know how great you can be! How much you can love! What you can accomplish! And what your potential is! – Anne Frank.

14. I don’t think of all the misery but of the beauty that still remains. – Anne Frank.

15. I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well. – Diane Ackerman.

16. Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, champagne in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming….. WOO HOO…. What a RIDE!”

17. The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. – Eleanor Roosevelt.

18. You grow up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself – Ethel Barrymore.

19. The secret of getting ahead is getting started. – Sally Berger.

20. What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner. – Colette.

 

Love & Expression

21. There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside of you. – Maya Angelou.

22. We can do no great things, only small things with great love. – Mother Teresa.

23. There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. – Anais Nin.

24. There are two ways of spreading light. To be the candle, or the mirror that reflects it. – Edith Wharton.

25. Our deepest wishes are whispers of our authentic selves. We must learn to respect them. We must learn to listen. – Sarah Ban Breathnach.

26. It’s not your job to like me, it’s mine. – Byron Katie.

27. Do you want to meet the love of your life? Look in the mirror. – Byron Katie.

28. We are not held back by the love we didn’t receive in the past, but by the love we’re not extending in the present. – Marianne Williamson.

29. Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people. – Eleanor Roosevelt.

30. When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.– Erma Bombeck.

31. A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one. – Marjorie Kinnan.

32. Always concentrate on how far you have come, rather than how far you have left to go. The difference in how easy it seems will amaze you. – Heidi Johnson.

33. The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present. – Barbara De Angelis.

34. The question isn’t who’s going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me. – Ayn Rand.

35. Success is getting what you want, happiness is wanting what you get. – Ingrid Bergman.

36. Nobody cares
if you can’t dance well.
Just get up and dance.
Great dancers are not great
because of their technique,
they are great because of
their PASSION.
-Martha Graham

Strength, Courage, Choices

37. Always go with the choice that scares you the most, because that’s the one that is going to require the most from you – Caroline Myss.

38. Do you really want to look back on your life and see how wonderful it could have been had you not been afraid to live it? – Caroline Myss.

39. The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any. – Alice Walker.

40. A woman is like a tea bag – you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water. – Eleanor Roosevelt.

41. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. – Marianne Williamson.

42. Whether we love, or close our hearts to love, is a mental choice we make, every moment of every day.

43. If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don’t be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning ‘Good morning’ at total strangers. – Maya Angelou.

44. You take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing, no one to blame. – Erica Jong.

45. You move totally away from reality when you believe that there is a legitimate reason to suffer. – Byron Katie.

46. The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen nor touched but are felt in the heart. – Helen Keller.

47. I am willing to put myself through anything, temporary pain or discomfort means nothing to me as long as I can see that the experience will take me to a new level. I am interested in the unknown, and the only path to the unknown is through breaking barriers, an often painful process. – Diana Nyad.

48. The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud. – Coco Chanel.

49. Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be. – Elizabeth Gilbert.

50. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk more. – Erica Jong.

51. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold. – Helen Keller.

52. Women are never stronger than when they arm themselves with their weaknesses. – Madame Marie du Deffand.

53. People are like stained-glass windows.
They sparkle and shine when the sun is out,
but when the darkness sets in,
their true beauty is revealed only if
there is a light from within.
– Elizabeth Kübler-Ross.

54. One of the most courageous things you can do is identify yourself, know who you are, what you believe in and where you want to go. – Sheila Murray Bethel.

55. The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself. – Anna Quindlen.

56. Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage. – Anais Nin.

57. It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends. –  J. K. Rowling.

58. Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here. – Marianne Williamson.

59. You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. “I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” You must do the thing you think you cannot do. – Eleanor Roosevelt.

60. I’m not afraid of storms, for I’m learning to sail my ship. – Louisa May Alcott.

 

Sass & Spice.

61.  Life is short, wear your party pants! – Loretta LaRoche.

62. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

63. A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous. – Coco Chanel.

64. Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else. – Alison Boulter.

65. It’s the good girls who keep diaries, the bad girls never have the time. – Talullah Bankhead.

66. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. – Maya Angelou.

67. When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane. – Steven Wright.

68. Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone? – Erma Bombeck.

69. I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life’s a bitch. You’ve got to go out and kick ass. – Maya Angelou.

70. Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t. – Erica Jong.

71. Living in a vacuum sucks. – Adrienne Gusoff.

72. I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me that trouble of liking them. – Jane Austen.

73. The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off. – Gloria Steinem.

74. No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. – Erma Bombeck.

75. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us, it is in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.
– Marianne Williamson.