too busy to love, too tired to care

There is an epidemic these days that can only be described as:

too busy to love, too tired to care.

Like little frogs swimming in the pot of ever increasing boiling water, we just don’t know when to jump! How to get out of this? How to jump as if our lives depended upon it?!


Rainer Marie Rilke, the German poet and philosopher said:

For one human being to love another, that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.

What if this is true? What are we doing here? What if the greatest achievement in life is love? Not just the romantic Hollywood version of love, but the unconditional kind based in a foundation of self-love? Well if that is the case, we are all pretty much screwed, because these days, people don’t take the time to give unconditionally (say that word five times in your head and really think of the meaning – you will amaze yourself).

It’s understandable to shy away from it when the going gets tough, hell, strapping your kiks on and not even shutting the front door seems viable in certain situations. Do we just concede in our relationships? Do we just go with the flow, not make waves, ignore the toxicity, live in ignorant bliss? It’s understandable to be so exhausted by survival mode to really be able to feel what’s real, even when it’s really good or bad!


But at some point, we need to pause for reflection, to clarify what really is of value to us, and then to create intentions that we feel passionate enough to pursue. Easier said than done, as when you are on the merry-go-round, #1, it is hard to get off when in motion and #2, it is hard not to vomit when you get off. Sometime we just have to suck it up, get our legs back under us. Back in the day Sundays used to give us a reminder of what’s most important, as we gathered with friends and family to share a meal and leisurely conversation, to laugh at our communal challenges and celebrate our triumphs.


With so much on the agenda, even celebrations begin to feel like an obligation…one more thing to do. The mere thought of planning a birthday party feels overwhelming!

One of my favorite business coaches taught me that “overwhelm comes from action without the plan.” This is so brilliant, isn’t it? To just go through life like a ship without a rudder gets exhausting after a while.

The plan, in this case, is clarifying what is of value. Look through some magazines. Find images that spark you and inspire you. What is it about that image that makes you feel alive? What is the essence of that request you are formulating?

One of my favorite images came from an insurance company’s newsletter. There was an Adirondack chair on the cover, sitting on the edge of a peer, overlooking a beautiful, peaceful blue lake. The headline said, “Retire Early, Live Your Dreams.” I laughed, not in the ha ha funny sense, but in the “I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel” kind of laugh.


At one time, I made this my intention, because I felt passionate about freedom, using my life force to do the work I love, and because I wanted to have enough energy left over to genuinely appreciate my loved ones. But when it came right down to it, I found that doing what you love does not pay the bills or give you extra time. Do I want to sit in that Adirondack chair by the lake? Absolutely, and at this point, sitting in that chair among friends seems more appealing than sitting alone.



About Hiding2014-2016

2016 Life is what it is and you just have to get through it. 2014 I started blogging just a short time ago, it actually feels good. I've made some new friends and soliciting feedback from others who have experienced similar life events helps me to not feel so alone. So we all have bumps in the road, we make poor decisions - we are only human. It is these life experiences who make us who we are today. There is no need to have regret, just move forward. Ok, easier said than done, because as you read my profile, sometimes I take a step forward and then two steps back.

Posted on November 18, 2014, in Care, Love, My Life Over 40 and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. I’d ask how the hell you’ve been but….



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