Category Archives: Shot in the butt
Mr. The One
How to spot him: This is the one that makes you stop seeing all the others you’ve encountered to date. He makes you forget all the others who have you shaking your head. He’s the one who finally makes sense after all the insanity you’ve endured as a dating divorcée.
Why you should go for it: He loves you unconditionally, suits you in the ways that matter, fits you – with your eyes wide open, and makes you wonder why you’ve wasted time dating any of the others! It may take months to find him or it may take years. Even his baggage seems to complement yours – a matching set, for better or worse. So if you’re lucky enough to find Mr. The One, hang on tight – there is likely only one of him!
How to spot him: He puts family first, always. He’s a selfless man, who lives to please those he cares most about. He’s the kind of man who can work two jobs in his sleep, always has a side-hustle in mind to earn more money, and guards his savings with his life. He can’t rest until he knows the ones he loves are okay. He strives for perfection at home and in the office. Work-life balance is very important to him, but if missing time with his loved ones means a better life for them, he’s always game to put in the overtime and take one for the team. Words like “no,” “can’t,” and “impossible,” are just not in his vocabulary, and when he hears others use them, it only increases his devotion to the task at hand.
Why you should go for it: Marriage is the start of a new family — your family. You will both want to provide for the family you create together, and it’s imperative that you are partners with the same goals in mind. That said, there will be times when one person just cannot do as much as the marriage (or family) requires — such is life. Marrying a natural-born provider will be a huge plus when the scales in your marriage tip, as they inevitably will at different points along your path.
How to spot him: At your weakest moments, his strength keeps you stable and inspires you to push through. He isn’t immune to pain or frustration, but he does handle it well, and he knows how to pull himself out of low places. He’s the kind of man who never misses your call when he knows you need to get something off your chest, or better, just a friend to be there for you. Speaking of chests, his is always there for you to lean on, squeeze, and find comfort in when it feels like only a hug will do.
Why you should go for it: He’s loyal, devoted, and a true pillar in the world of the woman he loves. This is the perfect recipe for a loving husband that you can count on through thick and thin; what woman doesn’t dream of marrying one of these?
Mr. Critical Thinker
How to spot him: There isn’t a problem, big or small, that he isn’t itching to solve. He’s a quick, solid, thinker, who hates to be backed into a corner. He doesn’t just see the problem in front of him; he sees a road map of the many solutions available to him and takes his time as he determines the best way to get there, or the course of action he must take. He is patient, because he has to be — rushing things is rarely the answer and he knows this. He’s diligent, focused, and considers himself a mental Olympian of sorts.
Why you should go for it: Marriage is truly beautiful, but it comes with its share of problems, and its rough patches. Happier times aren’t always just around the bend — getting there may require a detailed plan and thinking smarter, not harder. He will make a great team player during the moments where the only way to win is to work together, and trust me, those moments can and will arise in marriage.
How to spot him: When the world around him comes crumbling down and the sun seems as if it will never rise again, this man still believes — his faith is his foundation. It gets him through the good and the bad, and it never falters. He believes in the things unseen and those that many give up on when the world turns cold: hope, morals, kindness, and good will. He has a church home, or a religious mainstay in his life and the fellowship refuels his engines. He’s God-fearing (whoever his God) and he’s proud of his strong beliefs. His moral compass is always turned in a positive direction, and he refuses to accept failure. He helps others and chooses to live his life in a way he believes others should live theirs.
Why you should go for it: This man has the emotional tools needed in his toolbox to repair many of the cracks and dents that will inevitably appear in any marriage. He’s a fighter, and he will fight with you and for your marriage. He won’t give up, even when you do.
Mr. Free Spirit
How to spot him: Spending time with this man never gets old. He believes that life is about living and therefore is virtually immune to the physical afflictions caused by stress and worry. It’s not that he doesn’t feel those emotions; he just refuses to let them consume him. He stays positive and seeks to enjoy all aspects of his life, as much as humanly possible. He has most likely chosen a career he loves over one that pays all the bills. Therefore he’s just as passionate about his work as he can be about feeding his cravings for new adventures. He enjoys traveling and most likely has a bucket list at least a quarter complete. He doesn’t believe in wasting time worrying about what can’t happen and prefers to shift his focus to what can. With him, there’s never a dull moment at home, in the bedroom, or when you’re out and about. His inner light shines through and warms the spirits of those around him. He keeps life exciting — almost as if, each day he presses the refresh button.
Why you should go for it: Spending the rest of your life with the same person, doing many of the same things can be as boring or as exciting as you make it. Marrying this man ensures that one pitfall your marriage won’t ever fall into is that of pure and utter boredom. It sounds simple, but it’s so important.
By the time you get into your 40s, if you have the misfortune to find yourself in the dating pool, let me just tell you: It’s a shit show. Sorry, maybe that was too harsh. I’ll tone it down a bit. It’s like being thrown in a serial killer’s basement. Seriously, it is that bad.
This is a 3 part series to help you navigate your way through the world of dating after 40, the good, the bad and the ugly.
How to spot him: This is the 40-something guy who has totally adjusted to living alone. Which is great. He’s probably very happy.
Why he’s tempting: He wants to meet a woman and the last time you checked – welp, you fit the criteria.
Why you should steer clear: He doesn’t want to change his life or schedule one iota for you. This is the guy who will say something early on like, “I have tennis on Wednesday, squash on Thursday, I’m camping all weekend, I need to spend Monday and Tuesday writing my novel, I walk my dog from 7 p.m. to 8 p.m. and I like to get to bed early. So can you meet for 20 minutes at 8:30 p.m. on Tuesday in three weeks? Oh, and can you come to my neighborhood?”
Mr. Guy Who Just Wants To Have Fun
How to spot him: At this point in your life, if you come across men who have never married or are divorced and want to stay that way, chances are that they’re “confirmed bachelors” who are just looking to have some fun.
Why he’s tempting: If that’s your goal too, then this type of guy is your perfect match. However, if you’re looking for something with a future, you need to put your cards on the table early and gauge his reaction.
Why you should steer clear: If you think you can get him to fall in love with you and that he will change his mind, you may be sadly disappointed and will have wasted precious time. Or, you could be the woman who brings about his 360. Either way, it’s like playing a table in Vegas— May the odds be ever in your favor!
Mr. Much Older Man
How to spot him: The grey hair is a dead giveaway.
Why he’s tempting: You may be tired of dating guys your own age and looking for a more mature man—a man who may be ten or more years older than you. This kind of older man, with a father-figure persona, will most likely treat you like a queen. Chivalry isn’t dead with this kind of man and he’ll tell you everything you want to hear.
Why you should steer clear: Many people who have married older men are extremely content in this type of relationship. Some may think he’s the best thing since sliced bread, but others may quickly realize that they’ll soon be his nurse taking care of him in his declining years. Before you jump to this decision, remember that the age gap becomes more of an issue the older you get and be sure that he’s what you really want.
Mr. One seeking a Mom for his kids (and not much else)
How to spot him: This one strategically includes heartwarming photos of his kids on his online dating profile. It’s almost as if he uses his unsuspecting offspring as the bait to reel nurturing would-be mothers into his plan. He’s a bit rarer than other types, but easy to spot with full or primary custody of his children.
Why he’s tempting: If he’s an awesome dad and you get along great with his children, it’s very easy to fall for the whole package too soon. This makes it difficult to focus on knowing whether your relationship with him has the right foundation for a healthy and loving future together. It’s easy to fall in love with the idea of an instant family and kids, but remember that you’re not just taking on one person; you’re taking on the whole crew. And sometimes that crew involves ex-wives, ex in-laws, and a whole host of shared friends and family members who will become part of your life too. This can be a wonderful thing, but it’s a serious commitment that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Be sure you’re both marrying each other for the right reasons.
Why you should steer clear: He may even initially act as if his search is all about you. But it’s not. It’s about him. He’s stressed about being a single Dad and it’s eroding his golf game and severely cutting into his hunting time. This man has already been through it all but is still looking to get married quickly so he’ll have a mother figure, nannie, or housekeeper to help him with his kids.
Mr. One who won’t commit… to anything… ever
How to spot him: This one is self-explanatory. He’s a playboy, a barfly, and is easy to identify. He often dates much younger women. He may have even been married more than once already. The good news is that he is so committed to being non-committal that he will even tell you up front that he isn’t looking for anything serious. Words of advice: he means it!
Why he’s tempting: Yet even with explicit warnings straight from the horse’s mouth, as women, we tend to hear what we want to hear. When he says “I don’t want a serious relationship,” we hear “I don’t want a serious relationship… until I find the right one…which could be you.”
Why you should steer clear: But you can never be The Right One for this guy, so get out while you can or prepare to have your heart broken.
Mr. Guy Who’s Finally a Good Catch
How to spot him: On the other side of the coin, after losing some weight, getting decent clothes, and having early career success, The Guy Who’s Finally a Good Catch is getting more attention each week than he got in his first 25 years combined.
Why he’s tempting: Girls find it endearing that such an appealing guy has managed to maintain his humility, when it’s actually just that he’s assuming every girl is out of his league at all times.
Why you should steer clear: Once his new situation starts to sink in, he enters an unfortunate new phase, stressing his male friends out by doing things like winking at them over the shoulder of a girl he’s dancing with and offering them a fist pound when an attractive girl walks by on the street.
Life is full of ups, downs and all arounds. Thinking of ways to soothe our soul and calm ourselves are things we are not so good at. We would rather be stressed out, freaked out, on edge or going ninety to nothin’. Here is a list of top ten ways to feel better:
Find a piece of cardboard, stand by an intersection and solicit your fellow drivers for things you want, such as candy, hugs, a date or whatever suits your fancy!
Purchase a pill organizer and load up your favorite treats, be sure to pull it out in front of your co-workers, as it will surely give them something to talk about.
Go to the local zoo or anyplace that offers train rides.
Make sure you sit next to the person who looks like they are having the worst day and then give them something to laugh about.
Be sure to include them in #7, #6, #5, #4 & #3
Find a group of strangers and make friends, see if you can find one who will be attached to you at the hip for some fun and shenanigans!
Pull out your camera and get creative with your new found friends!
Don’t be shy! Get to fingering painting! You all will enjoy basking in the glow of your new designer duds!
Be sure to go to your local fountain to wash off, it will provide entertainment not just for you and your new friends,
but also all the innocent bystanders!
See how many people you all can get together to make a giant circle massage in your local park!
Be sure to do this close to a patch of mud (see #3).
Quietly sneak over to a fresh patch of mud and start slingin’!
Then get ready for some pig squeelin’, hog sloppin’, dirty fun!
Let the games begin!
For real peace, quiet and calmness pet something furry!
Whether it be a wall, fuzzy cat or a squishy panda, just fluff yourself all over it and make cuddles!
AND THE #1 THINGS TO DO TO MAKE YOURSELF FEEL BETTER:
Take Your Damn Pants Off – You’ll Feel Much Better!
I looked up rebound and found that one could assume you are…
“psychologically incapable of making reasonable decisions regarding suitable partners due to emotional neediness, lingering feelings towards the old partner, or unresolved problems from the previous relationship.”
THE STRUGGLE IS REAL, FOLKS!
Apparently, I just rebounded…. BOING! BOING! BOING! Another punch to the gut… I should have written that on my forehead with a sharpie.
In other words, the rebound relationship is characterized by some or all of the following:
Brief period since the breakup or first emotional relationship since the breakup – CHECK
Transference of unresolved feelings since the breakup – CHECK
Emotional vulnerability, desire to be distracted from pain, belief that one love cures the pain of another, fear of being alone – CHECK
3 out of 3, I like to win but come on!… SHEESH! Wyatt Earp was right… another punch to the gut, hmmm, let me see that is 5 to 1, Wyatt is still in the lead on the lessons of brutal honesty…
My Rebound Relationship Experience
In my own experience, I’ve just involved myself in a “transitional” relationship. In other words, I gradually learned from and distancing myself from destructive traits that my ex possessed, the men I typically attract and the familiarity that I felt in dealing with them.
Not long after I began dating after divorce, I found myself in “puppy love” with a man who could not have been MORE different than my ex. I was hungry for his attentiveness. I was blissful in his capacity for emotional intimacy. I fell hard and fast, freaked out, and then the relationship slowly dissolved – was heartbroken (thanks to my newly acquired power of numbing, my GIRL POWER is back in check). He is a great guy, everything someone would want in a partner in more ways than one ;o), but our timing was off – I’m just not ready, plain and simple.
They say “heartbreak” won’t kill you and you can and will love again after divorce, but vulnerability can certainly encourage distorted judgment. Still working on my VULNERABILITY theory…. However, I still question if one can really ever love again after divorcing someone they were initially head over heels in love with. I hear the words coming out of his mouth, but…..
Can the rebound relationship become something solid and endure? It certainly could happen, but I think one would need to take the time necessary to be sure it’s more than momentary magic or a tempting transition. So slowing down and going to take the time to see if can endure.
In other news….. thinking about becoming blonde again….
Life is good. I feel like I am starting to finally get into my own groove. Doing things for myself, doing things that I want to do and learning Spanish, it just doesn’t get any better than that!
Friday evening was enjoyed with great company, Wyatt Earp, my straight shooter friend did not let me down. As he strolled into the Cadillac bar, he took his seat where he could view the entire room, of course I was sitting there tap, tap, tapping on my phone and then greeted him with a lackadaisical conformist greeting of “Hey, it is good to see you”, mwa, kiss on the right cheek, mwa, kiss on the left cheek.
Our conversation was delightful with the same brutal honesty that I have come to expect. We talked about relationships and manifesto’s women whom he has dated have sent to him on what is wrong with him. While he admits to being an asshole, and of course, I concurred that yes, at times he can be, it is not the type of asshole you would typically encounter. With a name like Wyatt Earp, one would have some level or arrogance and contempt for outlaws.
“He was not an angel,” former Tombstone resident George Parsons wrote in 1928, “but his faults were minor ones, and he never killed a man who did not richly deserve it. The real Wyatt led a life that was authentically Western. He was a gambler and a saloon keeper, and he enjoyed the charms of several women. Most of all, he was as tough as men came when toughness earned respect. He was loved and hated, a man who drew strong allegiances and made devoted enemies. Wyatt Earp was a natural leader with a coterie of followers who always believed he did right. He believed it too.”
Do you think if we write manifesto’s, and I am just as guilty, we should preface a negative with at least a positive? You know like your boss does when he calls you into his office? Read on, I will answer this question when we get to Sunday.
My friend Brittany Spears just came in my office and informed me she threw a co-worker under the bus on Friday, but waited until she was about to leave for the day. That was an asshole move, and yes, she can be an asshole too.
Saturday, I had the most incredible massage. This guy worked me over, I could feel the stress balls release. I knew that I was going to pay dearly the next couple of days for this guilty pleasure and I can still feel it today.
I got home and watched 7 straight hours of NARCOS. I’m not going to lie, I am hooked! My Spanish vocabulary has increased 10-fold and I am not sure if that is good or bad. I had no idea of the mayhem and chaos happening in Columbia during the 80s and 90s. It was pure anarchy.
- Bomba, Bomba, Bomba,
- Ustedes eligen, ¿plata o plomo?
- Coma mierda. Coma. Mierda.
- el patron
- Bien o qué?
- Qué más?
- hijo de puta
- hija de puta
Pablo Escobar, in my opinion was a true follower of the Machiavellian way (the handbook for gangsters):
- States can be republics or kingdoms, old or new. The easiest to rule are old hereditary kingdoms, lands that are passed down from father to son. Basically, instead of passing along their 2001 Toyota Camry, your parents give you a kingdom. He surely was striving to rule the new kingdom!
- You’d have to be an idiot to have problems ruling one of these. Because they’re so easy to rule, they are hard to take. The best way to take old hereditary kingdoms is by killing the old monarchy. Every last one. To say the least he seemed to be successful at taking people out at every level!
- Mercenaries and auxiliaries (people you pay to fight for you) are a waste of time and dangerous, to boot. If you have a strong army, and your people love you, no one can touch you. They won’t even think about it. He earned the love of the people of Columbia and truthfully no one could touch him!
- On that topic, you need to run your army, so war needs to be on your mind all day every day. You need to be on the cutting edge of war techniques and technology. He was always consumed with stirring shit up and then negotiating, and endless cycle of entertainment for him, a way for him to feel importanto!
- You also need violence to take self-governed republics, because they will rebel if you don’t crush them. Just remember not to keep being violent. Get it over with so you can start being nice and people won’t hate you. Never let your people hate you. Lie, cheat, steal—just don’t become hated. Unfortunately this ultimately led to his demise; however, he was able to lie, cheat and steal for a long time and the people still loved him!
Sunday morning was the best! I grabbed a cup of Starbucks, I came home, watched videos of my professor talking about Leadership and Management in an office and took my final exam. Here is what I learned – high functioning employees prefer specific instruction; however, in order to get the maximum performance from them you should give high functioning employees ambiguous direction because they will always give you more than expected. Low functioning employees should be given specific instruction; however, they prefer ambiguous direction. In my learning process my eyes are continually forced wide open. Is this manipulation? Are our managers really assholes learning the system to get unknowing and unsuspecting employees to do their work?
I also learned, what I’ve already known, that shit rolls downhill. No matter the situation, the lowest guy on the totem pole will always take it up the ass. If you look at the Exxon Valdez oil spill, the CEO said he would take responsibility. Then the focus flowed down to the captain of the ship who was sleeping off an alcohol bender. The captain turned the ship over to an unlicensed mate who was tasked with piloting the ship and ultimately paid the price for the spill. When we delegate responsibility as an authority are we still ultimately responsible? The more distance executives are to a situation the less likely they are culpable for any wrong doing. Just look at Lou Pai, he was actually one of the Smartest Men in the Room.
Funny, Machiavelli reared his ugly head again in my weekend, in fact, he was a realist who understood the limits and uses of power. He believed that leaders should always mask their true intentions, avoid inconsistency, and “frequently act against mercy, against faith, against humanity, against frankness, against religion, in order to preserve the state.” But what does that really mean? If you study management theory in conjunction with political theory, you will begin to realize that you are studying the same subject. I encourage you to re-read my bullet points above – you may see a disturbing correlation.
Which brings me back to Friday, aren’t we all really just assholes in some form or fashion? It might just be the level of assholedness that one possesses, but ultimately do we really think like Machiavelli to some degree?
My life married to a diagnosed narcissist, alcoholic and prescription pill abuser – his lies and inappropriate behavior:
His giant chick-let two front teeth and his fake hair (He used his daughters entire college fund to pay for 2 hair transplants – I still receive letters from the Bosley Men’s Hair Club addressed to Mucus (a nickname kids used to call him when he was a kid, and I kind of like it now)).
(this is what he should look like, if nature had her way – as you can see, he really does have chick-let teeth)
Now before any of you say, “you are so mean”, please let me preface this by the many lies he told anyone who would listen and his chaotic antics (this is just the tip of the iceberg, I will keep this updated):
“I am autistic.” (This is one of my favorites, he actually told me he was autistic. Sadly I bought books on how to have a relationship with someone who was autistic. It would be nice if all the autistic people in the world would back him into a corner and give him a piece of their mind)
“I am an astronaut. I am the astronaut who will be the pilot who test flies the first commercial space craft.” (After hearing this lie, I wonder if all the REAL astronauts would consider putting him in one of those G-Force (which he claims he has been in) machines and spin him over 8Gs for at least 1 minute for saying such nonsense)
“I was a civilian in the Special Forces. I went on secret missions.” (I wonder if he will ever encounter someone in the special forces who sees through him, maybe then he will get to go on that secret mission?)
“I was in a military unit where everyone was killed but me.” (This really upsets me, there are so many families out there who have lost loved ones, and then this guy, Mucus, claims to be a war hero… pfft)
“I was shot in the butt in Afghanistan.” (Hopefully we never have to see that, he doesn’t wipe his ass very well)
“My pupil was blown out when bombs were going off around me.” (I actually asked him about it when he was shit faced drunk and he let the cat out of the bag – when he was a kid he was too close to the fireworks – this actually might explain something)
“I was there when Osama Bin Laden was killed.” (Really, cause I asked Mucus the time/date and location of this event and uh, there was silence.)
“I am a pilot.” (HA HA HA HA, ok, I will give him credit, he did at one time have a some kind of certification, although sketchy, I did see it. The last time he flew I think he was like 16 or 18, prop plane, but he ain’t no 737 pilot.)
“You see that car over there (full of cleaning supplies, mops, etc), they are spying on me. I have a secret number to call, because you know I did all that top secret stuff.” (I don’t know if the cleaning ladies were more freaked out than I was, but I could not stop laughing when he said they were following him. They were most likely following him because they wanted to clean his mouth out with soap for lying so much)
“I put 6 people in the hospital after they tried to fight me, that is why I had to leave Seattle immediately.” (I’m pretty sure, they kicked his ass – I’m just saying)
“When I was in Afghanistan I bought all the liquor on base and gave it to all the soldiers.” (I am pretty sure they do not sell liquor over there, but I could be wrong)
Mucus was arrested one time for being so drunk and going to the wrong apartment looking for his daughter and I. The people were so terrified of his crazy behavior they called the police. (His 11 year old daughter had to go with me to bail him out, I will say I was embarrassed – he checked himself in rehab for the first time so he could avoid any custody issues, he started drinking and drugging about a week after he got out)
“I am a millionaire!” (Yes, well that is a crock of shit. Anyone who claims to be a millionaire based on their family members dying is pretty sick. That is just some jacked up, fucked up shit. Even though his family are a bunch of nutballs, I would never wish someone’s death just to get money – yes, he even throws his own family under the bus and they don’t have a clue)
For some reason I decided to Chrono his behavior in 2014 and save it on my blog site as private. WOW! my therapist was right, I really did stay with him for so long to protect his daughter, because there is no other reason why anyone would want to endure this:
8/2/2014: Today I got told to get the fuck out of his house because I flushed his Ambien down the toilet because he was popping pills all day and acting crazy.
8/20/2014: Today I was accused of hiding his Ambien.
8/16/2014: Today I was subjected to almost doing a drive by of his ex’s house – and then got yelled at because I didn’t want to, I also got harassed for leaving the restaurant to catch a movie, had to leave the movie because he was obsessing and then he backed me into a corner
8/30/2014: Today I was humiliated in front of his daughter because he lost his Lunesta sleeping pills and accused me of taking them.
9/4/2014: Today I got my asshole ripped for buying my Lover’s 10 year old daughter 3 magazines without asking permission to do so.
9/4/2014: Today I got my asshole ripped for buying dog food for my two dogs, food that I have been feeding them for the past year or so because I did not run it buy him first.
9/4/2014: Today I got told that he typically dates model type girls, his friends don’t understand why he is dating me because I am not the type he usually dates – yea I’ve got a great personality, but that is about it. I should be happy because he chose me.
9/4/2014: Today I was told not to plan any surprises, he hates surprises. He told me that I crossed his boundaries everyday, but could not give concrete examples.
9/5/2014: Haven’t had sex in about a week – think it is a way he chooses to punish me.
9/5/2014: Today he started repainting the house without my help or input – fuck it (I guess I suck at it).
9/5/2014: Today I do not want to go home.
He goes around wearing military boots, you know the ones, they are tan, lace up – along with his black hat with the Velcro on the front so he can attach an American flag. He buys all this shit from online military stories. The icing on the cake is that when people thank him for his service and he actually nods his head or engages in a conversation, making it seem like he can’t talk about it because he has PTSD. (I won’t lie, one time I told him to shut up because playing too much Call of Duty does not give someone PTSD)
I really feel sad for his new fiancé, I suppose she has now taken the role of his “Guardian Angel” – a label I happily turn over to her. Prior to dating Mucus, she was in a relationship with this really handsome black man. When I finally caught on to his cheating with her, I confronted him while we were driving home from lunch, his response was “I would never fuck a girl who has had a ni**er dick stuck in her.” (I wonder if he used that word in front of a group of black men if they would show him what that word really means?)
One time he drove me over to his ex-laws and confronted his ex mother-in law for driving by his house (they live in the same neighborhood – not to mention it is hard not to drive by someone’s house when they live on the corner, she called him a “Low Class Piece of Shit” and I think she was right.)
One time he was arrested for family violence of a terroristic threat and resisting arrest for sending his ex-wife this text :
Just so he could try to save his ass, he checked himself into rehab for the 2nd time (that is really his mug shot above – It was there that his counselor told, Mucus was not really working the program and that he had been clinically diagnosed with a narcissistic personality disorder along with his addiction issues. Mucus was actually laughing and bragging about it – I sure hope the Judge sees through him and gives him the punishment he deserves. FYI, he only lasted about 2 days after getting out before he started drinking again)
Another time, using that same gun Mucus got up in the middle of the night and brought it to bed because he said I made a strange noise in my sleep. (He was super drunk and high on pills. His daughter was sleeping in the room down the hall and of course I had tell him I would call the police if he did not put it away – Yay, that was no fun)
Mucus decided to ask my son to help him cut down 1/2 the fence in our backyard so we would have a view of the golf course. Our neighbors did not appreciate his idea and would frequently stand in their backyard looking at his handy work. One time Mucus, his mother and my son were sitting in the living room, I saw our neighbors standing in THEIR yard and mentioned it to him. Mucus jumped up ran upstairs, grabbed the same gun and came flying down waving it all over the place threatening to take our neighbors out. (For some reason his mother did not think his behavior was strange. My son and I sure did!)
One time his ex-wife had to take out a Temporary Restraining Order against him to protect herself and her daughter.
One year when we celebrated Christmas with his girls, his oldest daughter came over about 10AM and Mucus was already intoxicated, by the time they opened their presents, he was so drunk he could barely hold his head. He behavior was offensive, by yelling and talking gibberish. I had to take him upstairs and put him to bed. (The girls and I spent the rest of the day together talking about the things they had been through – it made me cry)
Mucus also loved to hit on other women in front of me, but the cherry on top of the sundae was when he was hitting on my son’s girlfriend in front of me (I will say that whenever he hit on other women they would always try to get away from him as fast as possible, because he was/is that creepy old guy)
Even more disheartening his youngest daughter is terrified to be alone with her dad. Since I have known her she has expressed her feelings and clings to me while she was at his house. She starts texting me upon her arrival and wants to know when I will be home. The texts become more rapid as he drinks more and begins to act “crazy”. I’ve sat and held her for hours while she has cried about being there. I did my best to make arrangements to leave work early to get home so she feels comfortable. I have run interference when Marcus has gotten out of control. She even had a safety plan in the case he was inappropriate. (It terrified me to know when she was alone with her dad, I always wonder how sick he really is – to this day, I know I am not there to protect her and I pray to God that he watches over her)
My son has seen the effects it has had on his youngest daughter; one night we all went out to dinner, Mucus was walking with his daughter in front of my son and I. Mucus could barely walk, slurring his words and was bumping into things. My son sensed his daughter’s discomfort and sent Mucus back to walk with me, while he walked next to her and tried to distract her from her dad’s behavior. We sat down for dinner and he kept ordering mixed drinks, so my son took his daughter to feed the ducks and ride a roller coaster. Mucus had a meltdown in public, so as soon as they got off one ride we had to leave. (My son is one of the most kind-hearted young man you would ever meet, he was always worried about Mucus’s youngest daughter and would express his concern to me. Anytime I texted my son, his first response would be “Are you ok?”)
We took a trip to Mexico, he went to the pharmacy everyday to find a doctor who would write him prescriptions for Ambien and Lunesta. The day before we left he was finally able to find a doctor and obtained prescriptions for both and had them filled before we left. (The whole trip he was drunk, passed out and constantly stopping at every Pharmacia)
Regarding money issues, let me be very clear- I had concerns about co-mingling our funds, I resisted doing it for the longest time. I relented when Mucus convinced me it was the best thing to do. When the credit card statements came in, I would go over the bill for both cards and give a detailed itemization of each expenditure (for Mucus card too, because he could never remember what things were for). I started to catch on that there were charges to CVS, Randalls and Walgreens for $30, $40, $50 everyday and some days multiple times – because Mucus would go to those places and buy bottles of wine. Every time we went out to dinner he would order alcoholic drinks which typically ended up being more than both of our meals together. (Cause it is normal to hit up grocery and drug stories multiple times a day- NOT)
Mucus also has issues with animals. I have witnessed him being cruel to the dogs and cat. Kicking the dog he bought me with such force of the bed that she hit the dresser in midair. He shot my cat with a bb gun, and then he decided one day to put a zip tie on a skin tag that my other dog had, which caused it to grow 3 times what it was, with puss and blood leaking out of it. The zip tie was on so tight I couldn’t get it off and had to take her to the vet where they had to perform emergency surgery at 12AM. His daughter and I were in tears at the vet and then he blamed me for it by saying I told him to do it. I assure you I would never ask Mucus to do anything to any animal, certainly not something like that. (There is a place for people who are cruel to animals.)
Oh gosh! I forgot one of my most favorite lies! Mucus told me he went to University from K-12 for gifted children and he was a child prodigy. (How could I have been so naive, he went to a school called “University School” he was never in any gifted and talented classes, he was certainly never a child prodigy – and he could barely read or write, much less have an intelligent coherent conversation)
Here is a letter from his daughter while Mucus was in rehab the first time:
“Daddy, I know its been hard but its been most hard on me. I know you love me so so so much! But you have hurt my feelings for the past 5 years you ruined all of my birthday partys and embarrised me in front of a lot of people including my friends. Like at my last birthday I thought we were going to get in a car accident and I was late to my birthday party and everyone was there looking at me and strange but I don’t like coming over to your house because it hurts my feelings a lot. And I love you and Kristen very much but it hurts for me to see you. And we do sometimes have fun but im emmbarrised. And I cant do this back and forth thing anymore because there are people who love me dearly. And I hate to say this or type this but I don’t want to see you because, it hurts me some much! And I cant do this any more because I’m not happy and I make your heart happy and that’s what I like to do is to make people happy because if I don’t it makes me sad. And when I am ready to see you I will try to do something like lunch or breakfast but im not ready to see you for a while and when I am I will text Kristen or you but I know you are getting better from drinking and I know you could be a great dad but I cant handle myself of thinking of seeing you as a dad I couldn’t handle it. Its hurting me so badly to type this but if I do this anymore im going to go crazy and this weekend I was going to run away thinking that would help me. But I need a lot of time to think this threw. I am trying to make people be happy and im trying to be happy but when im at moms I ruin it for her and me because I complain about coming to your house . Because it hurts my feelings. I hope you think deep about this I hope you can understand how I feel.” (Heartbreaking, she is such a smart and beautiful young woman – actually both his daughters are)
Sadly every weekend his daughter was with us he was drinking, hiding alcohol all over the house and when his daughter tried to get close to him, he would move away so she would not smell the alcohol. (His daughter did mention during one of those visits (well most visits) that she smelled alcohol and found a glass with wine in it – she even went as so far to find his stash and pour it out)
Mucus shared with me he visited a psychic in New Orleans (where he lives today)….. he said the psychic told him that he was murdered in a previous life in the 60’s, he was reborn too soon and still has a lot of anger that has carried over into this life. She could sense he had been through a lot of hurt, that he is unusually intelligent and has unique gifts. She also had a strong feeling that the life he lived so far was one of many depths. (That is an understatement)
Mucus would also tell me crazy things like he saw his best friend from college who past away floating over his bed the other night, and he was convinced he had a connection to the dead and beyond. (Something about his mom telling him when his was younger that he had a special gift of being able to see the future and sense certain things – I told you his family is just a nuts.)
Did I mention the DWI? Or the time he was arrested at Jumpy World…..
This is a public service announcement, it is all true, tons of witnesses, and guess what, there really are sick people out there. If your gut tells you to peace out – LISTEN! If you find yourself in this type of relationship, please seek help and know, it is not your fault.
Oh yes, Mucus’ mother once told him, that I would haunt him forever. (Boo!)
and through it all, and by the Grace of God, I have forgiven……..