THE DILEMMA….. THE ANSWER…..
WHAT WOMEN WANT… OR THINK THEY WANT….
Ironically, I can attest that women typically always want the Bad Boy. After years of seeking out this persona I have come to learn (it only took 44 years) that Bad Boys are … not for me.
Women approach mate selection by over emphasizing false dichotomies – bad boy/asshole vs nice guy as if all men fit into one box or the other (I am just as guilty). Unfortunately the boxes we create are further from reality and the truth. With today’s media women believe Bad Boys are really the soft-hearted, loyal mates we read about in romance novels and see in movies. We make them into fictional characters upon meeting them and convince ourselves that they are really only in “Love” with us. In reality, this is so far from the truth that it hurts to even think about it.
I’ve read over and over again women want two things – good genetics and/or many resources. Women desire alpha males because they will be successful – no matter what. Good genetics in a social society is an outgoing self-confident personality. Self-confidence means focusing on goals rather than a woman. When a man is making something happen, women are incidental (I repeat, incidental). Thus, a man who finds women trivial to success (I repeat, trivial) will automatically succeed and eventually find a woman whom he will deem to be a show pony to his success. When he is not around, she can do the gardener if she wants because he is focused elsewhere. But the gardener will never provide the million dollar home, the vacations to the sunshine, or the big rock that can double for a door knob on her finger. (I can tell you that without a doubt, I am tired of being made to feel “incidental” or “trivial”)
What if women reprogrammed their methodology of mate selection? What if women turned the tables? What if women focused on their goals rather than a man? What if a women found men to be trivial to her success and upon becoming successful found a man who she deemed to be her show pony?
Women are more conscientious than to use someone to be a show pony or find them to be either incidental or trivial; it is just one of the gifts God has bestowed upon us. So now what?
FINDING THE RIGHT BALANCE
It can’t always be one-sided, that would be unhealthy. You want a mate who reciprocates. A man who is genuine will to go dinner at a place that was chosen by both parties, perhaps even with some friendly banter over which restaurant is preferable. A man who is genuine will offer to pay but certainly won’t force the issue if you throw down your debit card and offer to split the check. A man who is genuine will disagree with you if he disagrees, and argue and talk and have a conversation with peaks and valleys, and intellectual stimulation, but will not make you feel like you’re being pandered to. A man who is genuine will walk you to your door, but will be content with a hug and a friendly wave goodnight. A man who is genuine will never make you feel obligated to do anything.
MOST IMPORTANTLY – NO DRAMA! NO EXCESSIVE BAGGAGE!
Try living by these eleven rules…
You can’t save anyone, so save yourself the time
Be honest with yourself
Communicate your needs and wants and be sure you know his. With this awareness, you will not be disappointed or frustrated
Manage your own emotional reactivity
Avoid being treated poorly
Be sure you are ready for a relationship and are not going into it feeling needy, desperate, hurt, angry or wounded
Pace yourself – just enjoy the present and see what happens
Let the relationship just enhance who you already are, if it doesn’t – peace out… and quick!
FIGHT FAIRLY – without one person feeling like they always have to give in. Listen, share and validate each other – Compromise….
Your relationship should be fun, loving and nurturing. A relationship that goes from one state of chaos to another is not healthy. You deserve a harmonious relationship based on mutual respect and appreciation!
Maybe it is best to wait for the man who is genuine and let him win you over.
WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS. PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT…
Posted on November 1, 2016, in Bad Boys, Bits and pieces, Bullshit, Care, Chuck Taylors, Cool Chicks, Cool girls, Divorce, Divorce Sucks, Health Relationship, Liars, Lies, Love, Marriage Sucks, Mate Selection, My Life Over 40, Nice Guys, Professional Growth for Women??? - 10 Part Series, Relationships suck, Shattered, Smart Women, Smarty Pants, Uncategorized, Weekend, What women want, Whole again. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.