Peeing Your Pants is Cool!


So let’s say you go into a store with the sole purpose to purchase a personal product with your, ummm, hypothetically of course, “friend”. As you mosey down the aisle you begin to notice many other products around the one you are looking for. All the sudden your “friend” starts giggling…. pointing things out… and giving snippets of commentary…. Which turns into full blown laughter.


His laughter is so contagious, that I am laughing so hard that I am crying, my legs are crossing, I’m bending over and I am praying to God to NOT let me pee my pants. I scoot over to another aisle in hopes to pull myself together.


My “friend” delightfully follows me giving me a detailed interpretation of the many uses for the various products we pass by, such a Depends=Space Diapers, Preparation H=Wrinkle Cream, and etc. Of course we end up in the Digestive Health section with a plethora of butt creams, suppositories, diarrhea and anti-farting medicines, which, by this point – crossing my legs is now useless.


Then my “friend” takes even more delight in abandoning me in said aisle while I pee my pants. Yes folks! I peed my pants whilst he ran 6 aisles away from me (actually running like he stole something – I could only see the back of his head bobbing up and down over the aisles), leaving me there to stare at a very large bottle of Miralax that he handed me before he peace’d out.


Holding my head up high, I was finally able to pull myself together. I noticed there was only one person at the register so I believed I could make a b-line, check out quickly and escape further humiliation. However; as I approached the register, my “friend” popped out of nowhere – egging the situation on even further. I turned and my only solace was a giant M&M character smiling at me, so I grabbed him for dear life and buried my face in his little peanut hands trying to salvage what little dignity I had left.

 Finding  God -- or maybe just comfort -- in a candy wrapper

I slowly rose and sauntered over to the register, the woman checking out in front of me, needed some kind of price check and I was forced to stand there, looking at the ceiling, refusing to make eye contact with my “friend”. At that point it seemed like every shopper in the store decided it was time to check out and they all stacked up behind me.


The laughter again reared its ugly head with a big “OH SHIT” moment as I handed the check-out lady my “1” product. She smiled and told me to have a “GREAT evening”.




About Hiding2014-2016

2016 Life is what it is and you just have to get through it. 2014 I started blogging just a short time ago, it actually feels good. I've made some new friends and soliciting feedback from others who have experienced similar life events helps me to not feel so alone. So we all have bumps in the road, we make poor decisions - we are only human. It is these life experiences who make us who we are today. There is no need to have regret, just move forward. Ok, easier said than done, because as you read my profile, sometimes I take a step forward and then two steps back.

Posted on July 15, 2014, in My Life Over 40 and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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