Pièce de résistance

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That sick feeling, the butterfly stomach, the rubbery legs, the diminished mental capacity. What’s my middle name? Uh…? And yes, a feeling of being paralyzed, like some kind of speared fish, floating helplessly after a powerful sedative (wait, could this be what Cupid’s arrow is like?).

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All those paralyzing sensations – it’s called FEAR. Cause when you fall in the BIG “L” – you wonder if it is Lust or the real deal. “L”, the realization and trying to grasp the concept that you have never felt this way in your entire life – you can finally BREATHE, it is FREEING, LAUGHTER is genuine, TOUCH becomes affection, you regain your INNOCENCE, you find yourself doing things for one another because it feels RIGHT, sex becomes passionate UNITY the ultimate BOND –

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—-then you realize just how far you’ll fall if things go terribly wrong. And it’s a terrifyingly long way. Suddenly, you’re Wile E. Coyote in the old Road Runner cartoons, the one who runs off the edge of a cliff into thin air, and everything is fine – that is, until he looks down, at which point, he plummets to the earth, and hits in an annihilating plump of dust.

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Yes, your mind tells you that you can’t stay up there forever in this complete and total bliss. It has to change. The laws of gravity demand it, right? Well I won’t give in to gravity, I hope it will not CHANGE, but EVOLVE — I WILL float on the clouds, keep my hand extended and ask that you join me.

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The Pièce de résistance, “what are you gonna say when I look at you and tell you that you’re the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me and that I am completely in love with you….. because I can tell you right now that I know that’s where this is headed, I’m trying to fight it, but it’s just a matter of time.”

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About Hiding2014-2016

2016 Life is what it is and you just have to get through it. 2014 I started blogging just a short time ago, it actually feels good. I've made some new friends and soliciting feedback from others who have experienced similar life events helps me to not feel so alone. So we all have bumps in the road, we make poor decisions - we are only human. It is these life experiences who make us who we are today. There is no need to have regret, just move forward. Ok, easier said than done, because as you read my profile, sometimes I take a step forward and then two steps back.

Posted on June 27, 2014, in My Life Over 40. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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