Blonde vs. Blow Hard Butthead (BHB)
(It is important to note, that if you know me, then you know my voice, for those of you who don’t know me, my voice sounds a lot like Melanie Griffiths)
So yesterday I made my way through the rain, getting my feets wet for training on software called Performance Logic (aka – simplistic database with a fancy schmancy GUI interface). As I waited for my analyst to accompany me to meet with the Mr. Butthead I smiled politely, just as my mother taught me, “Be kind, courteous and respectful.” Mu ha ha ha ha….
We chatted for a moment and then Mr. Butthead came in sat down, apologized for his tardiness, due to an important telephone call. He assumed I was there to provide him information and I had to sadly inform him I was there for training. I sweetly explained what my role was and the expectations of my boss lady.
He looked at me for a moment, then informed me that Performance Logic was a very complex system and it would most likely be difficult for me to understand (why? because I am blonde and have a vagina?). He then proceeded to tell me it would be a waste of his time, as well as mine if he tried to explain but would bestow upon me a brief overview. My eyebrow raised and a big smile came across my face (those of you who know me, would be saying “oh, shit – take cover”).
The young analyst gave me an apologetic look and I winked at him. Mu ha ha ha ha ha…. I have found that in these types of situations it is always best to remain calm, soft spoken and direct (all while smiling coyly, slightly averting your eyes and bowing your head ever so slightly).
He proceed to explain the “functionality” of Performance Logic. And I proceeded to rapid fire technical questions:
- So this system tracks the federal funds sanctioned for ongoing projects?
- This software will “store” all this information?
- Is there a way to save a data queue with some entries in it and then restore the data queue in the same or other library with its entries included?
- Does it have a cross-reference file that will give the same information about triggers for dependent files and constraints?
- Since this system is cloud-based once the data is entered does it interface with the federal system to pull the data across?
- So essentially, just by entering the data, the software will spit out charts, graphs, reports and be a repository? Or does it actually analyze the data?
He seemed to get a bit flustered, my questions were becoming more probing, just trying to widdle it down to what, in fact, this crapoloa piece of software really was. (Thank you ex-husband for 15 years of teaching me about the nitty gritty of your job as a software architect).
I gently nudged him toward the final conclusion, “Well, Mr. Butthead, is there anything more to your software or is that about it? Because your system seems more like a conventional relational database with a pretty GUI interface (yes, I said pretty….) rather than a powerhouse data warehouse designed with advanced capabilities of interfacing with high functioning intricate systems? Does that sum it up? ”
He pretty much got duck lipped, turned red and my analyst tried to hold back, but let out a little chuckle. I thanked Mr. Butthead for his time, shook his hand ever so slightly, but with just enough twist to show my feminine dominance. Pfffffffffttt!
I only submit to those who have my loyalty and respect.