Perfecting the Cooter Punch on Teddy Kennedy and ADRENALINE
I just got back from a date with Teddy Kennedy (no that is not his real name but if you are familiar with Chappaquiddick – you will understand). It was a late lunch date down at a swanky restaurant. It started out pleasant enough, but apparently he had started drinking bloody mary’s way before I got there.
As the date progressed Teddy started label-name dropping – and working for one of the “old” fallen financial companies I think I surprised him with my in depth knowledge of the Enron scandal all the way down to the detail of the deceptive accounting practices the company used to screw over their investors (thank you white collar crime professor).
We decided to head over to a sports bar located across the plaza from our fine cuisine. For a moment I thought Teddy might blow chunks all over himself, but he maintained.
Teddy sat there looking a little green, I am pretty sure he drank a liter of vodka. The conversation started to turn ugly, I remember sitting there just looking at him listening to the vile words spewing from his mouth about his exes (mind you, this is 4:00 in the afternoon). He leaned over to what I thought was to hold my hand, but he took my hand and pulled it over to his cock. If you know me, you know I was like “WTF – chill the fuck out”. He smiled and then leaned over to kiss me… pfffft pfffft pfffft…
I tried to excuse myself to use the restroom but he made a dick move to not let me out of the booth and thought himself quite clever and funny. In these situations I tend to become very quiet, scanning the room, looking for eye contact, the exits, etc., but I was stuck. I think the last comment he made to me was “You know, I am rather surprised, you are a lot smarter that I thought you would be”. BAM!!!!! My hand went straight to his balls and I fisted them with everything I had and gave it a little twist. ADRENALINE KICKING IN….
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have perfected the cooter punch. To be honest, I didn’t think I had it in me but after all the bullshit I have been through, I think this guy broke the camels back. You can imagine the shock and surprise on his face, the air left his body and he let out a moan – a high pitched moan. I got real nice and close to his face and told him “Get the Fuck Out” – that was all I could muster.
As he scooted out of the booth, my grip stayed steady, once we were both standing I pfffft’d the word “CUNT” out of my mouth. Yes folks, that is all I could think of, out of all the other words in the dictionary, I called Teddy a cunt.
Shaken and pissed off, yes… VERY SHAKEN AND VERY PISSED OFF. Signing up for Aikido on Monday.
Lesson #1: When sitting in a booth, be sure you are sitting on the outside for a quick getaway. Yes, assholes come in all tax brackets.
Posted on June 15, 2014, in WHEEL OF MISFORTUNE.... and tagged Bad Love, boyfriend, Dating, Everyday Life; boxers, Funny, Girl Power, Guys, Journey, Life, life after 40, Me, Memories, Men, Narcisstic, Over 40, over 40 and single, Relationships, Self-Help, Sociopath, who not to date, Women. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.