Tiffany my kittie has been with me in Austin, Bastrop, Boston, San Antonio and Galveston. Yesterday she said goodbye to the world. For the past few nights I knew she wasn’t feeling well, so I would put her in bed with me and she would lay cuddled up next to me. Wednesday night, I knew something was wrong as her breathing became labored, I wept, it was the first time in almost about a year since I’ve felt any real feelings. I made the decision to have her put to sleep Thursday morning, the pain and agony I felt was debilitating. I cuddled up next to her and gently stroked her head, and she gave me every last bit of purrr she had left in her. We slept through the night and in the morning, as I was getting ready, Tiffany let out several mew’s, I knew this was it. I held her in my arms as she gasped for air, I kissed her head, held her so close and told her how much I loved her. My son came in and put his arms around us. I could see the pain in his eyes, he was trying to be strong.
Yesterday, I stayed strong and went to work. I came home, had a drink to numb the pain and buried her by myself. I placed a little heart of shells on her grave.
Today, no matter how hard to I try to pack down those feelings – they are flooding to the surface. I wish this work day would be over so I can go home, shut the world out, crawl up in a little ball and weep.
The sadness rips at my heartstrings. It is during times like these when you need your friends and loved ones to be there – but somehow, I am alone.