A PRIEST, RABBI AND JUDAS WALK INTO A BAR….
This past Saturday night I was invited by a gentlemen to go out on a date. His profile stated he was an educator and I thought, what the hell, not my type, but maybe that is my problem – I pick the same type of guy – just a different face. I met him with a smile on my face and a warm hug. Initially we were having a great conversation until he told me the following:
1. He was a Greek Orthodox Priest (I almost blew my drink everywhere and commented – “Oh my! I’m surprised I haven’t caught on fire”)
2. He has 5 kids (Yay! Seriously? Age 5 – 20, I love kids, but WOW, that is A LOT – almost choked on my food)
3. He is still married (Whaaaaaaaaat??? For all of you who know me, you know what that reaction sounds like)
4. Apparently the Bishop told him not to file, that he should let his wife file first – this matter needed to be kept HUSH, HUSH so the members of their congregation (the largest in Houston) would not become alarmed. (YAY!!!!! Wow! That is so awesome! Are you freaking kidding me!)
5. By this point, I could not resist, but I had to ask “what if one of your disciples, members or whatever you call them see us having dinner” and he politely asked me if it would be all right if introduced me as his “friend”. (Holy mother Mary of Gawd! Imagine my inappropriate laughter – again those of you who know me, no doubt, can hear it in your head as you read this)
6. When dinner came, he busted out a prayer and my inner goddess was SCREAMING “Hey Asshole, you better get on your hands and knees and pray – or YOU will catch on fire”
7. Of course I maintained and carried on a polite conversation talking about hypocrisy, birth control, transvestites, you name it I was relentless in a passive aggressive, dumb blonde way.
After my “date” or “confession” or potentially becoming a “Jim Baker-esk victim” – I texted my sister and I told her I just went out on a date with a Priest – her response was “Uh huh, sounds like a joke”.